Diogenes of Sinope, Lest We Forget

Diogenes of Sinope, quite the philosopher! 

While sailing in the Aegian Sea, Diogenes was kidnapped by pirates and sold as a slave. While being auctioned, he was asked to tell about his skills. 

He said, "I can govern men. Therefore sell me to one who wants a master." 

Someone named Xeniades was so impressed with his spirit and character that he paid for his freedom.

.

He was banished from Sinope after debasing the currency. When someone reminded him that the people of Sinope had sentenced him to exile, he said, "And I sentenced them to stay at home." 

.

He would carry around a lantern during the day, telling people he was looking for an honest man. Apparently he could only find "rascals and scoundrels."

.

Alexander the Great was once thrilled to meet Diogenes and asked if he could do him any favor. Unimpressed by the most powerful man in the world, Diogenes said, "Yes, stand out of my sunlight."

Alexander once found him looking at a pile of human bones. Diogenes explained, "I am searching for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave." 

I don't get the idea that many people spoke to him that way, but apparently it made an impression. History doesn't record whether the point was lost on Alexander who sold many men into slavery after conquering them, but at some point he said, "If I were not Alexander, then I should wish to be Diogenes." 

.

Diogenes once saw a thief who had stolen a silver cup being led to the gallows by a group of police and magistrates, and a bystander asked him what was happening. 

He replied, "Oh, nothing unusual. It's merely the big thieves bringing the little thief to justice."

.

It is said that a hedonistic philosopher named Aristippus once saw Diogenes preparing some lentils for a feeble meal and told him, "If you would only learn to compliment Dionysius, you wouldn't have to live on lentils." 

Dionysius was a powerful judge who would grant favors.

Diogenes responded, "And if you would only learn to live on lentils, you wouldn't have to flatter Dionysius."

Diogenes, a master of the old switcheroo. 

.

He extolled the virtues of poverty, often begging for food and toughening himself up against the hardships of nature.

He said, "In a rich man’s house, there is no place to spit but his face.”

Maybe in Diogenes' house, the rich would say there's nowhere to spit but his lentils?

That might have been a problem though, because apparently Diogenes's "house" was a large clay wine barrel that he slept in.

.

"It takes a wise man to discover a wise man."

.

"No man is hurt but by himself."

.

"Of what use is a philosopher who doesn't hurt anybody's feelings?"

.

"He has the most who is most content with the least."

Thoreau stole that from him! (But so what.)

Diogenes believed you should be living proof of your beliefs, they shouldn't just be theoretical. So how did he prove to be content with little? He had one possession, his bowl, and he smashed it after he saw a peasant boy drink from a trough by using his hands as a bowl.

He said, "Fool that I am, to have been carrying superfluous baggage all this time!"

Thoreau lived in a cabin in the woods, but snuck back into town on the weekends for his mommy's cookies!

It's not like Diogenes was above it either, considering this quote, "What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others."

.

He was once in a debate with another philosopher who was arguing that motion doesn't exist, so Diogenes walked away. This prompted the Latin phrase, "solvitur ambulando," or "It is solved by walking." By leaving, he proved his point.

That is the sentiment that caused Werner Herzog and Bruce Chatwin to become kindred spirits, they have each said that the truth is revealed to those who walk on foot.

.

"We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less."

I swear that is an Amish saying.

.

"A friend is one soul abiding in two bodies."

.

"The mob is the mother of tyrants."

.

"Why not whip the teacher when the pupil misbehaves?"

.

He's been called the punkest philosopher, haha.

Apparently he's not punk, punk is him.

.

"I know nothing, except the fact of my ignorance."

The wisest sentiment in all philosophy, as far as I'm concerned. He must have stolen it from Socrates, but no matter. Plato once described Diogenes as, "a Socrates gone mad."

Plato had described humans as, "featherless bipeds," so Diogenes plucked a chicken and brought it to Plato's academy and said, "Here is Plato's man!" 

Plato amended his definition of man: "featherless bipeds with broad flat nails."

.

How did Diogenes die? Nobody knows. Someone wrote that he held his breath until he died. I somehow doubt that. It's also said that he may have died from eating raw octopus, or from an infected dog bite.

Ironic if he died of a dog bite, because he thought it was a virtue to live like a dog. He's credited with starting the philosophy of Cynicism, and it's named after the Greek word for dog, "kynos."

He once said, "I am Diogenes the Dog. I nuzzle the kind, bark at the greedy, and bite scoundrels."

.

When asked how he wished to be buried, he left instructions to be thrown outside the city wall so wild animals could feast on his flesh. Someone asked him if he minded this. He replied, "Not at all, as long as you provide me with a stick to chase the creatures away!" 

When asked how he could use the stick since he would lack awareness. He replied, "If I lack awareness, then why should I care what happens to me when I am dead?"

.

"Dogs and philosophers do the greatest good and get the fewest rewards."

.

There are some flat-out filthy aspects of his life that I'm not going to relay here! One involves him lamenting that he couldn't simply rub his stomach to quell its hunger. Follow that to any conclusion that you like. If you want to know what he's talking about, send me a message (but I accept no responsibility for the filthy message I'm going to send back.)

.

Diogenes was once asked of which country he was a citizen. He replied, "I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world."

It is said that his quote coined the term "cosmopolitan."

Diogenes, a citizen of the world, no doubt. He is said to have died at either 81 or 89 in the year 323 BCE, but I get the feeling he's still around. 

I guess the people of Sinope forgave him somewhere along the way, because they now have a statue of him.