Reflections On Beginnings, Endings, and Some Stuff In Between
At the beginning of Breakfast of Champions, Vonnegut defined a gun. "This was a tool whose only purpose was to make holes in human beings." I read that 30 years ago and it stuck with me ever since.
...
Russia is committing a genocide against the Ukrainians. Ukrainians are killing Russian POW's. This is not good.
April 6, 2022
...
Einstein- "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
...
There's one option and one option only when dealing with existential risks. We have to work together as one species, versus all of our individual tribes.
...
The Little Prince was released on this day in 1943. Said to be James Dean's favorite book.
"'What makes the desert beautiful,' said the little prince, 'is that somewhere it hides a well...'"
...
One of the greatest albums of all time topped the charts on this day in 1981- the Go-Go's Beauty and the Beat. God damn did they capture a time and place! It's the only number one album written and performed by a girl group.
Can't stop the world
Can't stop the world
Can't stop the world
Don't let it stop you
Don't let it stop you
Don't let it stop you
Can't stop the world
...
I keep seeing people make this argument:
-Don't report the number of expected deaths! It just scares people, and besides, experts can't predict the future!
First off, predicting the likely future is EXACTLY what makes them experts. This is why Galileo was tried and convicted for heresy in the early 1600's... because to predict the future was to be seen as undermining God. Yeah, either that or he was doing math and making observations! Can we please adopt a post-17th century mindset?
Now for the easy part... you know how many people would have died if the news never reported how many people were likely to die? The answer couldn't be more simple- MORE!
April 6, 2020
...
I've been having a hard time reading a book that I love so I went to the library and swapped the hard copy for the audiobook. I knew what page I was on, and I knew how many pages the book was, and I know how many CDs are in the audiobook, so I knew exactly which CD to start with. I hit it right on the money. And people say algebra is not applicable to everyday life!
April 6, 2019
...
That's probably because the kombucha made too many bubbles down in your belly and it made some throw up bubble up to the top into your mouth I'm sorry...
Voice to Text accidentally captured me talking to Zuzu, figured I'd post it as a little slice of life.
April 6, 2019
...
Checking Emma in for a minor surgery, they asked her religious affiliation. My first thought was that they were taking part in a double-blind experiment to determine the efficacy of prayer. Emma said it's if she needs a chaplin. Oh... right.
April 6, 2018
...
The robot currently operating on Emma is being controlled by Dr. Paul Newman.
(A sentence never before communicated in the history of the universe.)
April 6, 2018
...
You hear so much about the president's opponents being vitriolic. How would those people describe the president, serene???
April 6, 2017
...
Are you afraid that Gorsuch will be on the Supreme Court for the next 40 years, and that Ginsburg and Breyer will soon die and be replaced by two other Scalia-type judges? Not me- if they uphold laws that hurt people, we'll change the Constitution they are sworn to uphold!
April 6, 2017
...
Extrapolated over 162 games, let's see, looks like the Phils are gonna score...oh crap, zero runs this year! And they're going to give up 810 home runs. Oh man...
April 6, 2015
...
I think a Goodwill exploded nearby and the people of Rwanda picked up whatever landed closest to them and put it on. I saw a 20 year-old guy today wearing a shirt that said "GRANDMA" across the chest.
April 6, 2010
...
Identity politics is a pure form of tribalism, by design.
...
I've always loved what Michael Shermer had to say about love:
"What science offers for explaining the feelings we experience when believing in God or falling in love is complementary, not conflicting; additive, not detractive. I find it deeply interesting to know that when I fall in love with someone my initial lustful feelings are enhanced by dopamine, a neurohormone produced by the hypothalamus that triggers the release of testosterone, the hormone that drives sexual desire, and that my deeper feelings of attachment are reinforced by oxytocin, a hormone synthesized in the hypothalamus and secreted into the blood by the pituitary. Further, it is instructive to know that such hormone-induced neural pathways are exclusive to monogamous pair-bonded species as an evolutionary adaptation for the long-term care of helpless infants. We fall in love because our children need us! Does this in any way lessen the qualitative experience of falling in love and doting on one’s children? Of course not, any more than unweaving a rainbow into its constituent parts reduces the aesthetic appreciation of the rainbow."
...
Rick, from Rick and Morty- “Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.”
...
The Little Prince again- "Well, I must endure the presence of a few caterpillars if I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies."
...
I remember a Don Rickles appearance on Dave Letterman from like 30 years ago... he told Paul to put some skates on his face and skate. Don Rickles died on this day in 2017.
...
Someone asked Ricky Gervais, "If there's no God why don't you just steal and murder as much as you want?"
He responded, "I do."
You know, like the rest of us sane people who don't wish to steal and murder at all.
...
The surface of Venus.
...
On this day in 1866, The Grand Army of the Republic was founded. It was a patriotic organization composed of Union veterans of the Civil War. It lasted until 1956, I only missed it by 18 years!
...
Cry Baby was released on this day in 1990. I totally forgot how much I love it. Five minutes in you find out that Patty Hearst is playing Tracy Lords' mother, and really that's all I need to know to be certain that I'll love a movie. Later on Amy Locane is crying into a jar thinking about Cry Baby, and then drinks her own tears. I mean give me a break, this movie is a gem.
Plus, it has Rubber Biscuit, by The Chips
https://youtu.be/spBvWIe-QQY
...
On this day in 1994- the beginning of the Rwandan genocide.
...
Jean-Baptiste Rousseau, French poet and playwright, was born in 1671.
"Nature never deceives us; it is we who deceive ourselves."
...
Harold Edgerton was born on this day in 1903. He's famous for taking this photograph.
...
James Watson was born this day in 1928. He discovered DNA, and he's still alive. "Every time you understand something, religion becomes less likely. Only with the discovery of the double helix and the ensuing genetic revolution have we had grounds for thinking that the powers held traditionally to be the exclusive property of the gods might one day be ours."
Reminds me of something Yuval Noah Harris said in Homo Deus:
"The greatest scientific discovery was the discovery of ignorance. Once humans realised how little they knew about the world, they suddenly had a very good reason to seek new knowledge, which opened up the scientific road to progress."
...
Merle Haggard, born on this day in 1937, and died on this day in 2016.
"It sounds like something from a Woody Guthrie song, but it's true; I was raised in a freight car."
...
Empire Strikes Back actors Billy Dee Williams and John Ratzenberger we're born on this day in 1937 and 1947 respectively. Han Solo told Ratzenberger he'd see him in hell! Ratzenberger starred in Cheers as Cliff Claven not long after.
...
The Pixies' Black Francis was born on this day in 1965.
...
Paul Rudd was born on this day in 1969, roughly three months before we landed on the moon.
"I'm not good at small talk. I'm really not. I'm not that great at any talk."
...
Albrecht Dürer, the German painter, engraver, and mathematician died on this day in 1528. "I hold that the perfection of form and beauty is contained in the sum of all men."
I can't remember where I heard this, but there was a guy who set out to prove that you could tell criminals by their faces. He made a composite of all the criminals' faces in some penitentiary system and discovered, the composite made a face more beautiful than any individual faces.
...
Isaac Asimov, American science fiction writer, died on this day in 1992. "If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster."
...
The wonderful Tammy Wynette left us on this day in 1998.
...
The Duke Boys were finally able to relax on this day in 2015 when Roscoe P. Coltrane left us.
...
...
James Watson again: "People say we are playing God. My answer is: If we don't play God, who will?"
...
The Onion- Weeping Willow Gets Bangs
http://trib.al/0PcnbDf
April 6, 2017
...
Frank Sinatra on a Don Rickles prank
https://youtu.be/DWvJCYyoDZQ
April 6, 2017
...
The Hill- Trump asked CIA official why drone strike didn’t also kill target’s family: report
This is not a surprise, he RAN on this. He's keeping his campaign promise to commit war crimes by targeting terrorists and their families. Hope to see him in The Hague.
http://hill.cm/NHbPms2
April 6, 2018
...
One of my favorite articles ever!
Quartz- The five universal laws of human stupidity
The stupid are the worst, and apparently the only answer for the rest of us is to work harder to counterbalance their stupidity.
Law 1: Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
Law 2: The probability that a certain person be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person.
Law 3. A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses.
Law 4: Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. In particular non-stupid people constantly forget that at all times and places and under any circumstances to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns out to be a costly mistake.
Law 5: A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person.
And its corollary:
A stupid person is more dangerous than a bandit.
"Stupid people, Carlo M. Cipolla explained, share several identifying traits: they are abundant, they are irrational, and they cause problems for others without apparent benefit to themselves, thereby lowering society’s total well-being. There are no defenses against stupidity, argued the Italian-born professor, who died in 2000. The only way a society can avoid being crushed by the burden of its idiots is if the non-stupid work even harder to offset the losses of their stupid brethren."
https://qz.com/967554/the-five-universal-laws-of-human-stupidity/
April 6, 2019
...
...
Pythagoras- “It is better to be silent, than to dispute with the Ignorant.”
...
Daniel Patrick Moynihan- "Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts."
...
Bobby D:
“I was born here and I'll die here
Against my will
I know it looks like I'm movin'
But I'm standin' still
Every nerve in my body
Is so vacant and numb
I can’t even remember what it was
I came here to get away from
Don't even hear
A murmur of a prayer
It's not dark yet
But it's gettin' there.”
...
John Burroughs, Essays in Naturalism- "A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else."
...
Aldous Huxley- "That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history."
...
Milan Kundera- "The source of anxiety lies in the future. If you can keep the future out of mind, you can forget your worries."
...
Richard Dawkins- "Religion is about turning untested belief into unshakable truth through the power of institutions and the passage of time."
...
Walt Whitman:
I accept Time absolutely.
It alone is without flaw,
It alone rounds and completes all,
That mystic baffling wonder.
...
Saul Bellow- "Unexpected intrusions of beauty. This is what life is."
...
3 Dumb Short Jokes of the Day
My friends say there's a gay guy in our circle of friends... I really hope it's Todd, he's cute.
People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones. But people in Abu Dhabi do!
Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. Bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line." Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.
Addendum
In March of 2000, I got lost in Big Bend National Park, a big desert in southwest Texas bordering Mexico. Here's what I wrote in my journal, edited a bit for clarity:
How do you begin talking about a life-altering event? I guess I'll just start at the beginning. I packed for my hike - the notebook I'm writing in, Blue Highways, camera, binoculars, two quart Gatorade bottles of water - and I was off at about 8am. I planned to either hike to a landmark for a 5-mile hike, or to just hike the the entire 8-mile loop trail.
Within a half hour I was off the trail, lost. I kept following some footprints but they ended in a wide, dry riverbed. I figured I'd meet up with them again at some point. After another half hour I realized I didn't meet up with them.
Judging by the position of the sun, I decided to hike west and hopefully meet up with the trail. Somehow I hiked southeast and ended up at an old fort. I was getting further away from the trail. I figured if I headed due north I'd hit the trail or maybe even get back to the campsite. It turned out my north was actually more east, and I ended up within sight of the famous Mule Ears, two peaks that looked like, you guessed it. Once again I was getting further away. It was hard to navigate when I had to walk half in the valleys and half on the hills. On hills I tried to get myself oriented for the next mile, but then the twisty valleys would thwart my plans.
Amazingly, I was navigating around each and every cactus. I saw several jack rabbits and the scenery was beautiful - flowers of all colors, distant mesas and mountains. At each crest there was the hope of seeing wildlife in the valley. But it was nearly 2pm and I was eager to reach known territory.
I headed due west away from Mule Ears, went down in a valley, walked a while and got to the crest of another hill, and - I WAS CLOSER TO MULE EARS! NO!!! I headed north to find a trail but after an unsuccessful half hour I was no further away from Mule Ears. I had to go west. I saw a mountain that I thought was close to our camp. I climbed a nearby hill to survey the area. I was nowhere close.
The good part was that as the sun descended it became increasingly easier to find due west. But that bit of good fortune had an increasingly apparent drawback. Impending darkness. Where the hell was I?
To head directly west I had to walk up and down more hills, a dangerous occupation for a guy with bum knees. I took a big step down and a loud crack let loose from my ankle. It hurt like crazy but it wasn't debilitating. I walked on. It felt loose but got better within a half hour or so.
I realized I wore the wrong shoes, the flat bottomed ones with the thin sides and velcro straps. They were weird looking, and everybody always asked what they were for. I told them I didn't know but I'd find out one day. This was the day. It turns out there excellent for sliding down hills. So sliding down hills, I did. So dangerous. If I'd hurt a knee or break a leg or acquire any hobbling injury I'd be in real trouble. On my way down a hill once I slipped bad and went into serious mode. "I have to be," slip, "extra," slip, slide, "careful," slip, "or I," slide, "might die," slip, slide, slip, balance. "God damn it, you have to be careful!"
I got out my binoculars on one crest and spied a trail, way to the north. I celebrated by cracking my second quart bottle of water that I've been saving all day. At least I had some semblance of some plan, but now I was in a bind. Do I head for the north where the trail was, or do I keep heading west to try to meet up with the road? I headed northwest. The map showed the road bending that way and maybe I would meet up with the trail. I walked northwest and right into my first cactus.
A branch broke off on my knee and eight long needles pierced my leg. One thick needle went deep into some serious meat, broke back through, and somehow went back in again, like I was being sewn. The cactus branch and needles stretched my skin indifferent directions as if it was some medieval torture device. That cactus really didn't want to be messed with! I pulled all the needles out and walked on hurriedly. My final quart was getting low and failing the quench my thirst.
I guessed I had about a half hour of sun left so I headed for a big hill. At the top I realized I had been traveling northeast instead of northwest, and with approximately 15 minutes of sun left I started jogging up and down hills and through gullies to try to make some real headway before darkness set in.
I made it to the top of a very big hill before sunset. The trail I saw earlier was way off in the distance to the northeast. I saw nothing to the west. I was out of sunlight. It was getting serious. I allowed myself a minute to appreciate the beauty of the scene and take a picture. That done, I hurried down the mountain for the west so I'd be sure to find the road at some point.
Fifty feet down the rocky terrain I saw a tarantula. With his legs bunched up around him he was a little bit bigger than a silver dollar. I only allowed myself to look at it for a second. No time to appreciate it. No time for a picture. Move on. If I would have seen it at noon I might have spent an hour with it, but times were serious.
I walked toward the glow of the sunset as it rapidly faded. I was on an old riverbed that headed due west. I figured I'd lucked out until it bent south and petered out. I didn't luck out at all.
Several items repeated themselves in my brain, over and over. First were the words, "stupid fucking white man," from Gary Farmer in Dead Man and then in Ghost Dog. "Stupid fucking white man. Stupid fucking white man."
The second was the question of when Emma was going to figure out that something went wrong.
Another was the Stephen King story The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon. In it, a girl is lost in the woods and she has to make correct decisions or she won't make it out. It would be a supernatural story except that it is nature that punishes her. I reviewed the day and saw only mistakes. I wore the wrong shoes. I didn't bring enough water. I kept walking once I was lost instead of turning back. I read the sun wrong. I kept changing my plan. I didn't wear long pants. I passed a spring earlier and didn't fill up my empty Gatorade bottle. I didn't want to get walkie talkies. I wasn't careful enough coming down the slopes. If I was in a Stephen King story, I would have already died in some gruesome way, maybe eaten by heard of javelinas, a prospect that was beginning to consider.
The sunset faded completely within an hour and I was forced to walk through the cactus-spread land. Every 20 minutes or so I had to take off my shoes and pick out the needles. Some were in deep. Some were small and plentiful. I spent the day learning what all the different cactuses looked like, and then I spent the night finding out what the needles all felt like going into my skin. My legs were getting thrashed. I could have peeled the skin off in assorted triangles and quadrilaterals.
I realized at one point that my camera had a flash that I could use as a flashlight. I held in the picture button halfway to initiate the flash. Voila, light! I kept it on too long and I went out. Twenty minutes later it was back.
My thoughts shifted to the panthers and bears that live in the area. I remembered the ranger telling us that the rattlesnakes hunt by night. If I'd get bit by one, I'd be dead. At least they warn you right? What about the copperheads they also have? Can't hear them. When I did occasionally sit down and rest I'd remember the scorpions and tarantulas. Once I heard something creeping towards me and I banged my water bottle in the ground and it ran away. I was on high alert, ready at a moment's notice to jam my Swiss army knife into the eye of an attacking panther.
My water was empty, except for a sip that I refuse to drink. I was very thirsty and I wondered the maximum miles it would be possible for me to walk without suffering irreparable damage. What a cliched desert story this was shaping up to be.
I guessed it was probably 10:00 p.m. There was no moon. Occasionally clouds would break and I'd get my bearings from the stars.
On top of a big hill I saw three lights to the west on the crest of the next hill. I yelled and the lights disappeared. Rescuers? Marauding Mexicans? (Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!) I caught another glimpse of them but again they disappeared. I walked towards them. On top of the next hill, I saw them again in the distance. I was imagining that it was my campsite, and I was so fixated on the idea that I believed it was true. At this point, any lights in the distance would have looked like my campsite.
After a while there was only a single light, coming from the north. I thought it might be from the place that I left on the trail. I became convinced that it was Emma, alone at the end of the trail with the flashlight, patiently waiting for my return. To the south I saw a helicopter looking for me. It was scanning the mountains. I didn't want to go near there because I figured if the helicopter would rescue me I'd have to pay a hundred thousand dollars for it. That's how that worked, right? As it was, I was just out for a late hike, nothing they could do about it. It was barely a coherent thought. In retrospect, after 14 hours of hiking and only drinking 2 quarts of water, that helicopter was certainly in my imagination.
I was losing energy. All I had to eat was some granola in the morning and then an apple with peanut butter before I got too lost. I took out some granola and munched away. It turned into a solid block of granola mash in my mouth. I spared a little water to get it down. It hurt to eat.
I had walked west for so long at this point, guiding myself by Castor and Pollux, the Gemini Twins. I was sure I would have met the road by then. I crossed over a bunch of dry river beds... was it possible that one of those was a road and I walked right over it? I walked on, chanting my mantra, "I gotta hit that road. I gotta hit that road. I gotta hit that road..."
I saw Emma's light again. I thought that heading toward her light was the confession of faith that would have led me safely back. Stephen King would have been proud, that was the lesson of The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon.
I walked and walked. I questioned my faith that I should keep walking toward that road, and then second guessed myself again. Being so dehydrated, it was so hard to make reasonable decisions.
The score for ankle turnovers was five on the left, four on the right. I kept wondering if something would happen as a permanent reminder of my mistakes. Would I get slashed across the face with a cactus branch? Would I lose my special pocket knife? It felt like I had made so many mistakes that I deserved some sort of penance. As I was wondering what I should lose, I slid down a dirt hill dropping my camera. The battery case popped open and I heard the batteries bouncing down the hill in the dark. No more light.
I fell down a several foot embankment and smashed my elbow against a rock. I thought it was broken. Unsure, I walked on. I stubbed the toes on my left foot. My throat was terribly dry. Through the day my outlook of the hike change from a minor nuisance, to a humorous trial to relate to my friends, to a serious trial, to a very dangerous situation that must be overcome, to a very dangerous situation that might not be overcome unless I made no mistakes. I began hoping I'd see Emma again. I wanted to make it back to the van before sunrise. I was nervous to face the desert sun with no water.
In situations like these I sometimes prayed to Jesus, kind of as a gag, an experiment to prove my prayers would go unanswered. Jesus doesn't exist, so I figure it can hurt. I purposely did not pray to Jesus this time. I said out loud, "I have to do this by myself. I don't want any help from anybody." It was too serious a situation to treat with frivolous prayers. To pray would be to distract myself. It was clear that instead of hoping for something to happen, I had to make things happen. I had to save myself.
My worst fear, I think, was the thought of dying and my body not being found. Nobody would be sure I was dead, and that thought made it all the more terrible. I told myself that if I knew I was going to die, I'd climb to the top of the hill so they'd be likely to see me. Then I realized what would see me first- vultures. My body all of a sudden felt like meat, even though I was still alive. I looked at myself and realized that in 24 hours it could be vulture food, rotting in the sun, bones bleaching.
I got to the top of another hill and saw the lights that I thought were flashlights. Now they looked like they might be town lights. I headed for them. I figured that even if I was 10 miles away I'd get there before morning. I noticed that Castor and Pollux almost pointed to them. I remembered that and headed into a valley. After twisting and turning for maybe a half hour I finally got on top of another hill. The town lights were nowhere to be seen I looked all around and nearly lost it when I saw that the town was exactly behind me. Somewhere I began following Pollux on top of Castor instead of vice versa. Unperturbed I corrected myself and trudged on.
I climbed a hill and after 10 minutes I came to a patch of tall, dry grass unlike any I'd seen on my hike. Thinking it was javelina bed I tried walking around it but it continued. I took a step into it and the next step reunited me with the road. The road at last!
I immediately began walking north, so happy, so much newfound energy. After a half hour or so I realized I was getting closer to the town and I should probably turn around and walk the other way. After all that I still added several miles to my hike by going the wrong way once I hit the road!
I walked south for at least an hour and then I thought I might have seen the van. I squinted. The van! Such beautiful bumper stickers! Where the heck WAS Wall Drug, anyway? I knocked and opened the side door. "Emma?," I asked hoarsely.
"Ben? Are you all right?"
"Yeah."
We hugged. She was sorry she didn't go look for me but she knew she'd get lost. And she would have. I was so glad she didn't get the rangers. How often do they have that kind of a situation?
Unbelievable writing about it now a week later. It all seems like a dream. Emma asked some people that came to the campground what she should do. They told her I probably found a place to sleep for the night, my flashlight probably went dead. She made the right decision staying put. That's maybe the hardest thing in life - making what you know is the right decision when it's contrary to what you want to do. I kept saying over and over that I was just so glad to be back.
My throat hurt so bad I could barely drink. All I could do was allow a trickle of water down my throat.
I picked out the more obvious of needles, saw my thrashed legs in the light for the first time, estimated on the map that I'd walked around 30 or so miles, and curled up for a troubled night's sleep.
I had one of those big nightmares where nothing in particular happens, there's just an overall feeling of dread.
I woke up overjoyed. I was going to buy the biggest gatorade I could find and stop in Terlingua for a delicious breakfast. Better to eat a delicious breakfast than be one. I had saved myself.
Comments
Post a Comment