Journeys Through the Unconscious

Some of my favorite baseball players are not great people. So be it. One of the best to ever play the game was born on this day in 1963, Lenny Dykstra.

...

Last night before bed I saw that Bob Saget's cause of death was blunt head trauma, which at the time must have seemed like nothing, so he went to bed, but then didn't wake up. 

So strange how our unconscious minds keep working while we sleep, working stuff out, making connections. This morning I woke up with this ringing through my head:

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring,

He bumped his head and went to bed,

And didn't wake up in the morning.

Who made that weird connection? It doesn't feel like it was me. We feel responsible for our thoughts, but only when we're conscious while they are generated. It seems that all thoughts just emerge from our subconscious, just bubble up, and we’re not responsible for any of them.

I'm sure the world's worse serial killers would agree, but the same sentiment has been expressed by creators of all kinds.

When someone asked Hank Williams how he wrote his songs, he said, “I don't write them. I just hang on to the pen and God sends them through.” Haha, man, that must be one sad God. Our consciousness does seems to be some sort of conduit though.

Our unconscious minds work while we sleep, except sometimes they just stop. That's what happened to Stanley Kubrick too. He went to bed and didn't wake up. That freaks me out more than any paranoid nightmare of getting rolled up in a carpet and thrown off a bridge into shark-infested waters. 

Nothingness is more disturbing than any somethingness, at least while we're still something.

Is it possible that there's something after we die though? Kubrick said that The Shining was an optimistic film for that reason. He must have been joking!

Maybe Saget's in hell boring the Devil with an America's Funniest Home Videos marathon, or maybe he's offending God with infinite versions of the Aristocrats joke. Maybe, but I don't think so.

One thing’s for sure- he bumped his head, went to bed, and didn't wake up in the morning. To paraphrase Woody Allen, he'll live on in the hearts of his countrymen, but his countrymen wish he could have lived on in his apartment.

February 10, 2022

...

On the way to work I was following a car with a distinctive license plate. On the way home I noticed that I was following the same car. Do you know what this means??? Mr. Natural knows. "Don't mean sheeit."

February 10, 2021

...

No "January exception" for presidential misconduct. That's a good argument. It's actually inarguable. 

Jamie Raskin's argument was one for future textbooks. Someone said it reminded them of Aristotle who wrote a book on logic and reason, and followed it up with a book on the value of emotion as a tool to connect with people. 

Do Republican Senators really believe that public officials can't face consequences for their conduct in office, after they leave office? It's just total nonsense, contradicted by the country's founders. It's a way for them to protect their guy from the Constitution, and evidence that they believe their guy is above it. They don't even believe in a country with laws, they have a godhead of the state- a godhead who can quite literally do no wrong in their eyes. 

Or do they have a godhead? Now is the time to prove whether they do or not. If Mitch McConnell signals that the constitutionality outcome has been decided and he believes they should all listen as objective jurors, and if he signals he'll vote to convict Trump for what we all saw with our own eyes and heard with our own ears... then case closed, 67 will vote to convict, barring the former president from from holding public office or trust again. 

Does it need to be mentioned that Democratic senators should bar Biden from ever running again if he happens to incite an insurrection to disrupt the Senate confirming the victory of his opponent? 

No impartial juror can watch that 13 minute video, and come away with the conclusion that Trump did not orchestrate the gathering, incite them for weeks up to that exact moment, and with his final tweet that day (his final tweet ever I believe) clearly signal his approval of what they did. 

He said, “These are the things and events that happen when a sacred landslide election victory is so unceremoniously & viciously stripped away from great patriots who have been badly & unfairly treated for so long. Go home with love & in peace. Remember this day forever!” 

Remember this day forever... that you stormed the Capitol causing death and destruction. There is no good faith reading of that tweet where one can come away with anything but his admiration for what they did. 

We can't overlook what he didn't say during the whole insurrection either. He didn't say stop. 

The vote of whether or not to convict the former president hangs solely in the balance of 50 Republican Senators who have to decide whether to fulfill their oath to protect the country from domestic enemies.

February 10, 2021

...

Let me share a recipe with you. I don't have many recipes, so take it seriously. First buy an ice cream maker off Craigslist for $20. They'll probably take $15. Find yourself a quart of half and half... or substitute a pint of heavy cream and a pint of milk. Dump in a cup of sugar, or a little less. Blend up a variety of fruits. Taste it. Not fruity enough? Solution- put in more fruit. Toss it all in ice cream maker for 25 minutes, and let me know how good it is. FRUIT ICE CREAM.

February 10, 2020

...

You what's fun to do in cases like this... it's fun to ask yourself what Trump would say about Trump if he wasn't Trump. I mean JUST IMAGINE for a minute that Trump was not the kind of man who wore heavy makeup. It's difficult, but imagine. And then ask what Trump would say about, oh I don't know... Buttigieg... if Buttigieg's face looked like he stuck it in a pumpkin pie. There'd be chants for months!

Colbert's take:

https://fb.watch/iBYB3Mp5KY/?mibextid=6aamW6

February 10, 2020

...

...

Congress should enact a bipartisan Flattery Through Imitation Bill making it only legal to insult the failing, unpopular so-called President Trump with the same words he's directed toward others in the previous month. (By the way, check out his sex tape.)

February 10, 2017

...

Fox News fawns over King Abdullah's response to ISIS. John Stewart points out that all of a sudden they are in love with a Muslim king. Then he shows a clip of them asking why Obama can't be as tough as the king... while Fox News has a graphic up explaining that the US is responsible for 80% of 2200 air attacks on ISIS. He ends the show with ancient footage of a chimp washing a cat. Damn, how can his absence ever be filled?

February 10, 2015

...

I have a niece! Amelia Violet, good name. She makes my baby look like Goliathette.

February 10, 2015

...

I'll bet the better quality of pranks a country has is inversely proportional to the ease of suing the perpetrators.

https://youtu.be/BIH8vX2kYbQ

February 10, 2014

...

Why on Earth was it GILLIGAN'S Island??? Should have been the Skipper's Island... or the Professor's Island, he was the only one with any sense. Either way, the Howell's would have bought it. Howell's Island... should have been Howell's Island.

February 10, 2012

...

Incidentally, Vince Gilligan was born on this day in 1967.

...

Through a long series of events I unintentionally ended up making a vanilla-hazelnut-almond-coconut-chocolate soy cappuccino this morning. Now that I think about it, the coffee was from five countries spanning three continents. That was one hell of a cup of coffee.

February 10, 2010

...

Emma and I watched all 86 episodes of the Sopranos in about a month... time well spent.

February 10, 2009

...

Ricky Gervais- "Viewed the Rembrandt exhibition at The Hermitage. Interesting piece in the gent’s toilets."

...

On this day in 1933, in round 13 of a boxing match at New York City's Madison Square Garden, Primo Carnera knocks out Ernie Schaaf who then died four days later.

...

On this day in 1996, IBM supercomputer Deep Blue defeated Garry Kasparov in chess for the first time.

...

"German director, playwright, and poet, Bertolt Brecht, join us on this day in 1898.

The human race tends to remember the abuses to which it has been subjected rather than the endearments. What's left of kisses? Wounds, however, leave scars."

...

Laura Dern joined us on this day in 1967. Let's remember her for David Lynch, and forget about her for Star Wars.

...

Elizabeth Banks was born on this day in 1974, about 2 weeks before me.

...

Other notable birthdays- Stella Adler (1901), E. L. Konigsburg (1930), Richard Schickel (1933), Michael Apted (1941), Alexander Payne (1961)

...

Arthur Miller left us on this day in 2005. From his memoir, Timebends:

"And I am in this room from which I can sometimes look out at dusk and see them [coyotes] warily moving through the barren winter trees, and I am, I suppose, doing what they are doing, making myself possible and those who come after me. At such moments I do not know whose land this is that I own, or whose bed I sleep in. In the darkness out there they see my light and pause, muzzles lifted, wondering who I am and what I am doing here in this cabin under my light. I am a mystery to them until they tire of it and move on, but the truth, the first truth, probably, is that we are all connected, watching one another. Even the trees.

...

Here's a teenage Shirley Temple posing by an oil painting of her as a child.

She left us on this day in 2014.

...

Other notable deathdays- Montesquieu (1755), Jim Varney (2000), Jan-Michael Vincent (2019), Larry Flynt (2021)

...

The Guardian- Bush, Gog, and Magog

Bush invaded Iraq because of biblical prophecy?How did I not hear about this story until now???

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/andrewbrown/2009/aug/10/religion-george-bush

February 10, 2013

...

Selective Attention

https://youtu.be/vJG698U2Mvo

Do yourself a favor and take this test! How many passes did you count? You really need to focus.

February 10, 2013

...

Kissing Test Prank

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV4veZbXq04

Oh my, I couldn't stop laughing...

Updated Feb 10, 2013 10:00:27pm

Feb 10, 2013 10:00:27pm

...

The Onion- Humanity Forced To Put Down Aging God

Well he had a good run.

February 10, 2014

...

Washington Post- This is the best explanation of gerrymandering you will ever see

It really is!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/03/01/this-is-the-best-explanation-of-gerrymandering-you-will-ever-see/

February 10, 2017

...

Politico- Trump to nominate Jim Carroll for 'drug czar'

If he read The Basketball Diaries he might think twice! (Or if someone read it to him.)

http://politi.co/2o0p5x1

February 10, 2018

...

Entertainment Weekly- Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt revisit (500) Days of Summer, 10 years later

I can't believe that it's been 10 years since this movie came out. It's probably one of my top ten favorites. I can watch it any night, or twice in a night even. I think people will be watching it in 50 years. Just so many perfect scenes.

https://ew.com/movies/2019/02/06/500-days-summer-viewing-party/

February 10, 2019

...

The Guardian- Plummeting insect numbers 'threaten collapse of nature'

Well... that's a headline.

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2019/feb/10/plummeting-insect-numbers-threaten-collapse-of-nature

February 10, 2019

...

BBC- Native burial sites blown up for US border wall

Maybe those responsible should have blown up their own ancestors to prove that they believe this is an honorable thing to do, or signed off on their acceptance that future generations do the same thing to their remains.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-51449739

February 10, 2020

...

Cock Sparrer- Take 'Em All

https://youtu.be/WI2NYRhlM30

...

Vivian Maier

...

Charles Bukowski- "You know the typical crowd, Wow, it’s Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there? Well, yeah. Because there’s nothing out there. It’s stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I’ve never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. That’s all. Sorry for all the millions, but I’ve never been lonely. I like myself. I’m the best form of entertainment I have."

...

Mark Twain’s extracts from Adam’s diary- “After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.”

...

Sherman Alexie- "And the tombstone will never answer. Because the dead have only the voices we give to them."

...

Ted Williams- "If you don't think too good, don't think too much."

...

Hunter S. Thompson, Hey Rube- "The world is getting weirder and weirder. Huge things are happening at speeds too high to measure, or even fathom, in the brain of a normal human. We are like moths in a blizzard."

.. 

Che Guevara- "Let me say, at the risk of seeming ridiculous, that the true revolutionary is guided by great feelings of love."

...

Chris Rock- "When you’re black there’s like no religion to turn to. Christianity? I don’t think so. White people justified slavery and segregation through Christianity so a black Christian is like a black person with no fucking memory."

...

H.L. Mencken- "You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth."

...

Charlie: Do wasps make honey?

Dennis: No wasps do not make honey.

Charlie: Alright well I'm gonna check it out anyway, there could be something delicious in here that wasps do make and I want that.

Addendum:

1.

I wanted to share this knockout section from Sherman Alexie's memoir, You Don't Have To Say You Love Me:

I don’t recall the moment when I officially became a storyteller—a talented liar—but here I must quote Simon Ortiz, the Acoma Pueblo writer, who said, “Listen. If it’s fiction, then it better be true.” 

Simon, a beautiful storyteller, doesn’t remember ever saying such a thing. 

“That sounds like something I might say,” he said to me. “But I don’t know if I have ever said that particular thing.” 

I don’t remember when I first learned of the quote. Did I read it in one of Simon’s poems or stories? If so, then why doesn’t Simon remember that he wrote it? Can a writer forget something that he’s written in one of his own books? Yes, of course. I wrote my first novel over two decades ago, and fans often stump me by asking questions about passages that I don’t remember writing. So perhaps I read that quote somewhere else and have mistakenly attributed it to Simon. Or did I hear someone else quote Simon? My college writing teacher, Alex Kuo, is a big fan of literary-inspired and practical jokes and postmodern riddles, so maybe he's the one who quoted or misquoted Simon.

"Do you know the Simon Ortiz quote about fiction and truth?" I asked Alex. "Did you tell me he said it?"

"No", he said, "I don't remember that quote. But that doesn't mean I didn't tell you I knew it sometime in the past. I could have invented it. Or maybe you invented the quote and are giving me partial credit for citing the quote while fully citing Simon for originally inventing the quote.

“So maybe I’m the one who thought it first?” I said. 

“And I want to honor you and Simon.” 

“Well,” Alex said. “Crediting your thoughts to your mentors sounds more like you’re honoring yourself.” 

“That’s funny,” I said. “And sad. Is my ego the source of all my deception and self-deception?” 

“Perhaps,” Alex said. “Since you’ve just invented this entire conversation about storytelling and truth that you and I never had, and put it in the first chapter of your memoir, then I’m just going to call you the unreliable narrator of your own life.”

2.

LOL: Criticism of Everyone's Favorite Internet Acronym, and Solutions for a Better Tomorrow

I'm just going to say it. I think when you say you are laughing out loud, you're not. I think it's a bald-faced lie, made easier because of this impersonal 21st century communication. I'm calling for an end to it. Here are my suggestions for the new humor hierarchy.

looaay- laughing out of anger at you (reserved for racist and dennis miller jokes)

nwof- not worthy of foxworthy

gllb- grinning like laura bush

wofbsnf- worthy of foxworthy but still not funny

gol- grinning out loud

tfbinl- technically funny but I'm not laughing

loti- laughing on the inside (formerly lol)

.5c- half-chortle

g,s-es- grinning, shit-eating style

alol- actually laughing out loud

lmfao- laughing my fucking ass off (actually in use, and fine by me)

ilyfao- I'm laughing your fucking ass off

lmfaao- laughing my fucking ancestors' asses off

pol- peeing out loud

bome- bleeding out my ears

pmpo- peeing my pants off

pol(#2)- pooping out loud

ftf- flooding the floor

Rotfp- rolling on the floor pooping

pmap- pooping my ancestors' pants

bmfao- bleeding my fucking ass off

tw- tsunami warning

ptwp- pee tsunami with poop

(***) Three asterisks represent the funniest something can be. It's only a result of Plato's ideal form of a joke. The convulsions are always so extreme that typing becomes impossible, thus, no acronym. Most cases result in "laugh paralysis" eventually leading to death. The majority of known cases had the following page on their screens. View with utmost caution, preferably near a hospital.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42136

Postscript- Broken link, but it was to this:

3.

Myspace Blog

February 10, 2007

Driving in the Digital Age

I am a cautious and, I'd even say, generous driver, but everyone has their limit.

Today I realized too late that I was in an exit lane that would have taken me to God knows where. There was still room for me to merge left, but a tractor trailer was closing the gap to the car ahead of him. I would have fit just right but he ignored my signal and continued to accelerate, really intent on being 40 feet closer to his destination. My truck was smaller than his but still formidable- and I was ahead. If I turned, it'd be his decision to make- drop back or collide. I started merging. He didn't brake. I kept merging. He kept closing in. It was a battle of wills. Collision was imminent. Then we both bailed. He moved to the far passing lane and I returned to the exit lane briefly before seizing my opportunity, narrowly missing the forced exit.

I wondered why he didn't honk, until I saw that he couldn't sacrifice a hand- one held the steering wheel, the other a cell phone. Obviously both were more important.

I don't go for giving the finger. Anytime someone gives it to me I flash my best Dale Carnegie smile. Case closed, I won. Once a guy tried to smile back to show that he wasn't bested but it was an ugly smile, a strained smile, a broken smile. And you know, Dear Reader, that his eyes just weren't in it.

So in situations like the one I'm describing I never, ever give the finger because my 8-10 victories would be nullified if I were to lose even once. My present joy would be replaced with remorse about "that one time." I might be able to fake my way through telling people about my past victories on the road, and I might fool them too, but there would be no smile in my voice. Everything for which I have fought all these years would be lost.

I gave him the thumbs down. I didn't catch his reaction but I assume it was blankness. After his initial stun I assume he thought I was telling him "you're bad." No. I was saying, "If I was Caesar, I'd have you killed."

After some reflection I realized that I could have caused him to swerve into someone in the far lane. Yeah, he was talking on a cell phone but I'd have to accept the lion's share of the responsibility. I imagined the fiery crash and my flimsy explanation to the police. I remembered why I am a cautious and generous driver. When you act like an emporer you're bound to get some innocent people killed.