A Celebration of Imperfection with the Ghosts of Benjamin Kreiders Past

Six months ago today I started writing a daily blog. It was on what would have been Kerouac's 100th birthday. I've worked on it for an hour or two every night since. Some of it is new writing, but a lot of it is compiling meaningful bits of what others have written, and bits of things that I've written the same day in the past. I look up who was born that day and who died that day and I try to find meaningful quotes from them. I try to keep it miscellaneous but it's strange how sometimes themes emerge... like a few years ago on a certain day I might have quoted Trump saying something absolutely stupid, and it might also be the birthday of some philosopher who lived two thousand years ago who has a perfect quote that seems to be bashing him from beyond the grave. I try to keep it lively by tossing in some raunchy jokes too. Anyway, read it if you like. The 6-month anniversary happens to coincide with the 14th anniversary of us losing David Foster Wallace.

September 13, 2022

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David Foster Wallace- “You know, the whole thing about perfectionism. The perfectionism is very dangerous. Because of course if your fidelity to perfectionism is too high, you never do anything. Because doing anything results in...it's actually kind of tragic because you sacrifice how gorgeous and perfect it is in your head for what it really is. And there were a couple of years where I really struggled with that."

Incomprehensibly, he chose to leave us on this day in 2008. Here's an animated interview with him, on the subject of ambition:

https://youtu.be/w5R8gduPZw4

Without a willingness to embrace imperfection, I couldn't do anything. I wrestle with that, maybe we all do. I have left many creations perfect in my imagination, unmaterialized in the world. We can't remain so heavenly-minded that were no earthly good, as they say. We need to strive for perfection, yet celebrate our lack thereof. I'm working on this project in that spirit, and in recognition of the multitude of unrealized David Foster Wallace books and essays that we'll never get to read, yet were once perfect.

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Horace- "Dare to begin! He who postpones living rightly is like the rustic who waits for the river to run out before he crosses."

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Johnny Cash left us on this day in 2003. What a day. That morning I went into work (at the only job I ever dreaded), started my computer, saw the news, just put my head down. I've read both of his autobiographies, I think about him all the time. Just a few days ago someone at work had a hundred complaints about something. His song popped into my head- "no earthly good, no earthly good, so heavenly-minded, you're no earthly good."

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Both Gretel and Zuzu came up to my room last night at about 11, couldn't sleep. I have a good trick to get them to fall asleep in situations like that- I put on a black-and-white movie from the thirties or forties. 

This time I picked Citizen Kane, and told them that many people think it's the best movie ever made. They said that different people have different preferences so no movie could be the best. I told then they were right, but that many people who study movies think it's the best. They couldn't believe that people study movies and asked me why it's so good. 

I started doing my version of the commentary track, talking over every scene- "See the mansion in the distance with the light on upstairs? Now we cut closer and the light in the room takes up the same space on the screen. Now we cut even closer and the light it's still in the same place but we're looking at it's reflection in the pond. There must be something really important going on in that room. 'Rosebud?' Why do you think he said that? Now the snow globe is rolling down the stairs, it breaks, and now he's dead. Maybe that was somehow all connected." 

Can you see my mistake? I'm not using this as an opportunity to get them to sleep, I'm using it as an opportunity to get them excited about the film! What was I thinking? They weren't laying down anymore, they were sitting up attentive, asking me questions. 

After a half hour I took them down to bed with both of them bugging me- "What does Rosebud mean???" They thought that maybe the guy really liked flowers, or maybe it doesn't mean anything at all. I told them they had to wait to find out. 

Wouldn't it be funny if they looked back on their childhood fondly remembering Citizen Kane as a defining moment? Their Rosebud wouldn't be a sled, but it might be the Rosebud plot device, haha.

September 12, 2021

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Great, Djokovic lost the first set to Medvedev! But guess what Djokovic's record is this year after losing the first set. Somehow it's 10-0.

September 12, 2021

Postscript- He lost.

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I like to think my 16-year-old self would be proud of my 46-year-old self blasting the same serves.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid02crFXKDEED6FKpY1aV83yC1sXbBYh4SCtM4KEQXo3BuUbgKkyuMKbv3zKwzxhP85bl&id=741063511&mibextid=NnVzG8

September 12, 2020

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I did my civic duty today and got a jerk kicked out of That Fish Place for wearing his mask under his chin like a beard. He was also banging on the glass of the cat area and barking like a dog too, so you might say he was having some issues with societal norms. Functionally deranged.

September 12, 2020

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Oh no, not another one of those! Benjamin R. Kreider, no relation.

Postscript: Well when you get right down to it, we're all related, aren't we?

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All right, somebody's winding me up. They put another bumper sticker on my car. This time it says, "IS IT 2008 YET?" I'd prefer that they come over and pick out my clothes for the day, or brush my teeth, or even feed me breakfast. A bumper sticker is a more personal thing!

September 12, 2020

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The Trump administration has normalized relations between Israel and Bahrain and the UAE. Great news, more peace in the Middle East the better. Up next, maybe Trump will work on normalizing relations between us and our allies, maybe start by recognizing the value of NATO and the WHO. Or maybe he could normalize relations between himself and American institutions. And this is a stretch, but maybe he could even normalize relations between his amygdala and his frontal lobe.

September 12, 2020

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The ending of Cosmos. I know what they are doing here. It's as if they were challenged to re-write Genesis from a scientific and objectively true perspective.

"Our universe began some 14 billion years ago when matter, energy, time, and space burst forth.

"And the darkness was cold, and the light was hot, and the union of these extremes gave shape to matter and there was structure.

"And there were great stars hundreds of times the mass of our sun. And these stars exploded, sending oxygen and carbon to the worlds to come and adorning them with gold and silver. And in their deaths, the stars became darkness and the weight of their darkness anchored the light. And new stars were born from their death shrouds. And they began to dance with each other and now there were galaxies.

"And the galaxies made stars. And the stars made worlds. And on at least one of those worlds there came a time when heat shot out from its molten heart, and it warmed the waters. And the matter that had rained down from the stars came alive and that starstuff became aware.

"And that life was sculpted by the earth, and its struggles with the other living things.

"And a great tree grew up, one with many branches, and six times it was almost felled. But still it grows and we are but one small branch, one that cannot live without its tree.

"And slowly, we learned to read the book of nature, to learn its laws, to nurture the tree. To find out where and when we are in the great ocean, to become a way for the cosmos to know itself and to return to the stars."

September 12, 2020

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I have a prediction for the 2020 election- Trump will beat a bore.

September 12, 2019

Postscript: Wrong!

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Gretel said, "Grummy poops in the moonlight," and Grummy is wound up!

Grummy is saying that it's not a nice thing to say, and she's right too. It's hilarious, but certainly not nice. I told Gretel it wasn't nice, but she saw right through me. She started chanting it. With all the resolve I could muster I told Gretel that it was actually not at all a very nice thing to say. She stopped chanting, but looked at me with a sustained sidelong smile, seeing if she could detect any weakness in my facade. I held it together, laughing on the inside. "Grummy poops in the moonlight," good material.

I don't know how Gretel did it, she came up with something equal parts poetic, revolting, mysterious, disrespectful, and somehow still funny... enchanting almost?

This reminded me of the Hemingway thing, where his friend challenged him to write a six-word short story. Hemingway did too, "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." Has a beginning, middle, end, captures your imagination, raises questions, etc.

That's pretty good six-word short story, but Hemingway's got nothing on Gretel. "Grummy poops in the moonlight," she surpassed him with only five words.

September 12, 2018

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One hundred billion is a good number- it's approximately the number of neurons in a human brain, approximately how many humans came before us, and approximately the number of stars in our galaxy. If anyone ever asks for my favorite number I'm telling them one hundred billion.

September 12, 2014

Postscript: Rounded to the nearest order of magnitude!

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Gretel has learned to look at Sam, Pepper and Razzles along with her mommy and daddy when any of their names are mentioned. This picture captures her response when asked "Where's Gretel?" Self-awareness! At 10 months she became smarter than all animals except dolphins, whales, elephants and apes.

September 12, 2014

Postscript: Don't forget about the crows and octopuses.

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Emma- I spent a good chunk of the day yesterday having early contractions monitored, which would have been intolerably boring if it wasn't for the comic stylings of Ben Kreider.

September 12, 2013

Postscript: I wondered what funny jokes I must have told so I looked in the comments for clues. The only comment pertaining to it was one I wrote three years ago, wondering what funny jokes I must have told.

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Great, Djokovic lost the first set to Medvedev! But guess what Djokovic's record is this year after losing the first set. Somehow it's 10-0. Is that possible?

September 12, 2021

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The cave paintings of Lascaux, France were discovered on this day in 1940. A true connection to our ancient past.

John Green, The Anthropocene Reviewed- "Humans making fake cave art to save real cave art may feel like peak Anthropocene behavior but I have to confess that even though I am a jaded and cynical semi-professional reviewer of human activity, I actually find it overwhelmingly hopeful that four teenagers and a dog named Robot discovered a cave with 17,000-year-old hand prints, that the cave was so overwhelmingly beautiful that two of those teenagers devoted themselves to its protection, and that when we humans became a danger to that cave’s beauty, we agreed to stop going."

After Picasso visited it, he said, "We've invented nothing."

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John F. Kennedy delivered his "We choose to go to the Moon" speech at Rice University on this day in 1962. Gives me goosebumps!

We set sail on this new sea because there is new knowledge to be gained, and new rights to be won, and they must be won and used for the progress of all people. For space science, like nuclear science and all technology, has no conscience of its own. Whether it will become a force for good or ill depends on man, and only if the United States occupies a position of pre-eminence can we help decide whether this new ocean will be a sea of peace or a new terrifying theater of war. I do not say that we should or will go unprotected against the hostile misuse of space any more than we go unprotected against the hostile use of land or sea, but I do say that space can be explored and mastered without feeding the fires of war, without repeating the mistakes that man has made in extending his writ around this globe of ours.

There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in outer space as yet. Its hazards are hostile to us all. Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation may never come again. But why, some say, the Moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask, why climb the highest mountain? Why, 35 years ago, fly the Atlantic? Why does Rice play Texas?

We choose to go to the Moon. We choose to go to the Moon... We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard; because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one we intend to win, and the others, too.

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H.L. Mencken was born on this day in 1880. 

"Why authors write I do not know. As well ask why a hen lays an egg or a cow stands patiently while a farmer burglarizes her."

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Jesse Owens was born in 1913.

"I always loved running... it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs."

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Henry Waxman was born on this day in 1939, maybe the best congressman nobody ever heard of.

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Activist, and political prisoner, Leonard Peltier, was born on this day in 1943.

"I don’t know how to save the world. I don’t have the answers or The Answer. I hold no secret knowledge as to how to fix the mistakes of generations past and present. I only know that without compassion and respect for all of Earth’s inhabitants, none of us will survive—nor will we deserve to."

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Louis C.K. was born on this day in 1967. I can't help it, I love the guy. I love him. He did some bad things, no doubt. I feel the same way about him doing something bad as I'd feel about a friend of mine doing something bad. I'd think it was bad, but of course I'd still like them. Stand up comedians do seem to be our friends in some strange way. I wonder why. Maybe it's no deeper than the fact that they tell us jokes. It's as if they're talking to us, and making us laugh.

"Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.'"

Louis is nothing these days if not self-aware.

Here he is talking about George Carlin...

https://youtu.be/R37zkizucPU

...and Stanley Kubrick...

https://youtu.be/bklh6H1hUBY

...singing a happy little song.

https://youtu.be/llKVV6EWX1g

The five seasons of Louie are a monumental achievement in comedy, and in the human experience.

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The poet, Robert Lowell, left us on this day in 1977.

"The light at the end of the tunnel is just the light of an oncoming train."

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Psycho, Anthony Perkins, left us on this day in 1992.

"Oh we have twelve vacancies. Twelve cabins, twelve vacancies."

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French New Wave director, Claude Chabrol, left us on this day in 2010. 

"There is no new wave, there is only the sea."

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Another notable birthday- Bill Monroe (1911)

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Another notable deathday- Tupac Shakur (1996)

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Eight years Johnny Cash-less. Hurt is not just a great video, perhaps my favorite short film of all time.

https://youtu.be/8AHCfZTRGiI

September 12, 2011

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Alternet- Right Wing Filled With Biblical Illiterates.

Haha, roughly 82% believe “God helps those who help themselves” is a biblical verse.

http://www.alternet.org/tea-party-and-right/right-wing-filled-biblical-illiterates

September 12, 2014

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@gooooats "Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body."

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Have you heard of a nocebo? It's the weirdest thing. There might be some trial of a new medicine that produces some negative effect, like sore muscles, in 5% of the people. So they have to list that as a possible negative effect, but then sometimes 50% of people will have that effect, evidently because they thought they might have it. Brains are weird!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocebo

September 12, 2020

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Chabrol again- "You have to accept the fact that sometimes you are the pigeon, and sometimes you are the statue."

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Mark Twain- “It is easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.”

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23 emotions people feel but can't explain

18. Rückkehrunruhe

The feeling of returning home after an immersive trip only to find it fading rapidly from your awareness.

19. Nodus Tollens

The realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore.

20. Onism

The frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time.

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D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley's Lover- "Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically. The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We’ve got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen."

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Stephen Jay Gould- "The dogmatist within is always worse than the enemy without."

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William James- "There are no differences but differences of degree between different degrees of difference and no difference."

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Werner Herzog- "Life on our planet has been a constant series of cataclysmic events, and we are more suitable for extinction than a trilobite or a reptile. So we will vanish. There's no doubt in my heart."

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Ending on a classic limerick. It will be the last one for a while, so enjoy it.

There was a young girl of Aberystwyth

Who took grain to the mill to get grist with.

The miller's son, Jack,

Laid her flat on her back

And united the organs they pissed with.