What Would Buddha Do, For a Klondike Bar?
Happy birthday to Lancaster County, PA, born on this day in 1729.
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I'm totally done with Infinite Jest. I started thinking about Kurt Vonnegut's advice to aspiring writers, telling them to pity the reader, and then I started thinking about David Foster Wallace's sister talking about proofreading his books and asking him how much "reader annoyance" he was shooting for. It crossed my mind that Kurt Vonnegut must have hated infinite jest.
Vonnegut also said something like, "literature shouldn't disappear up it's only asshole, so to speak." I think Infinite Jest disappeared up its own asshole.
Incidentally, I asked ChatGPT and it told me that it was impossible for Vonnegut to have read Infinite Jest, because the book was published in 1996 and vonnegut died in 2007. I pressed it twice before it admitted it was wrong.
I asked it what Vonnegut thought of David Foster Wallace and it said that his son said this after David Foster Wallace's death:
"Kurt was a huge admirer of David Foster Wallace's work, and he would have been terribly saddened by this news. He thought Infinite Jest was a masterpiece, and he loved David's essays and short stories."
I asked ChatGPT if I should trust it anymore after it steered me in the wrong direction and it changed the subject!
May 11, 2023
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Emma asked me filthy question about racquetball tonight, but I'm not going to repeat it here. In the spirit of Three's Company I answered in a double entendre, yelling down the stairs, "No, but we play with each other's balls!" Whoops, I realized just then that kids live in our house and maybe I shouldn't be yelling that kind of stuff. On the other hand, Sarah Silverman's father used to tell her filthy jokes and it made her one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all time.
May 11, 2021
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I found an ancient box of Nabisco Spiced Wafers between our third floor ceiling and the roof. Maybe from the 60' or 70's? What are the odds that the workman who put them up there is still alive? I'd say slim.
May 11, 2019
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Zuzu left the house yesterday wearing underpants but came back wearing a diaper. I asked her if she had an accident. She said, "No, I just pooped in my underpants. And peed." Well if it wasn't an accident, it must have been on purpose. Sicko.
May 11, 2019
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Every once in awhile I somehow bite myself underneath my tongue. That's a miracle right? Canonize me already.
May 11, 2019
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When I drive down the highway and see a billboard that says, "God has a special plan just for you", you know what I think of first? Yep, Hitler. That was QUITE a special plan he had for Hitler.
May 11, 2018
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That reminds me a bit of that young girl from Gibraltar for some reason:
There was a young girl of Gibraltar
Who was raped as she knelt at the altar.
It seemed really odd
That a virtuous God
Should answer her prayers and assault her.
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Wax On, Wax Off?
The Karate Kid... classic story of The Hero's Journey, for those of you familiar with Joseph Campbell. The hero is placed in an unfamiliar setting, is taken under the wing of a master of some skill, and then succeeds in proving his new skill without the help of the master. The story is a metaphor of any rite of passage into adulthood. Where do these archetypes come from?
What marks the physical rite of passage into adulthood? And how do you think the screenwriters came up with "wax on, wax off?" Wax on... wax off? Wax on...... wax off? After he refused to continue training, he discovered that he already possessed the desired skill- a skill he had to use responsibly.
Can you figure it out, or do I have to spill the beans? (So to speak.)
May 11, 2011
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Today is National Eat What You Want Day. And oh boy, I sure did!!! Just the normal stuff, that's all I wanted.
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You might remember a story I told you yesterday about Kevin and Sloth butchering a groundhog that Kevin's dog Hugo killed. In the groundhog's belly they found a brick of all the grass the groundhog had been eating. Sloth heard that the Native Americans used to eat that. Kevin tried some, Sloth tried some, Hugo tried some. Hugo puked.
May 11, 2011
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May 11th is National Twilight Zone Day. You know who is a fan of the Twilight Zone? You guessed it, Trump.
A biographer reported that he used to recall his favorite episode, "A Nice Place to Visit," which featured a jerk gangster who died in an accident. In what was presumed to be the afterlife, he was told by a godlike figure that he would grant any wish. The gangster said, “I want to win, win, win. Everything I want. I want to get the most beautiful women. I want to get the beautiful this and that. I want to never lose again.”
The guy ended up hating his new life. Everything he did, he won, which made everything meaningless. The godlike figure who granted him his wish came back to see how he was enjoying everything.
The gangster said, "If this is Heaven, let me go to Hell."
The godlike figure who granted his wish laughed and said, "You ARE in Hell."
Back in the '90s, Trump's biographer asked him what his goals were. He responded, "Goals?" It almost seemed like he didn't understand the question. He said, "You keep winning and you win and you win. You keep hitting and hitting. And then somehow it doesn’t mean as much as it used to.”
Sound familiar? I believe that Trump believes that he is in Hell right now. There's a catharsis in that. He deserves it too for turning our country itself into a Twilight Zone episode. Somehow that's his favorite episode, and he learned the exact opposite lesson from it! He's a loser who thinks he's a winner. What kind of a demented person would use the Twilight Zone as a guide to life???
Rod Serling's closing narration to "The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street."
"The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices - to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill and suspicion can destroy, and a thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all its own - for the children and the children yet unborn. And the pity of it is that these things cannot be confined to The Twilight Zone."
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Muhammad Ali said of Floyd Patterson, as he looked forward to their upcoming fight, "I'll beat him so bad he'll need a shoe horn to put his hat on."
Floyd patterson, reflecting on his defeat by Muhammad Ali:
"It's easy to do anything in victory. It's in defeat that a man reveals himself."
Floyd Patterson left us on this day in 2006.
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Racist bombings in Birmingham, Alabama, on this day in 1963. My parents were 11 and 14 at the time. If they were black and lived in the south, how would that have shaped my worldview? We all have to ask ourselves this question.
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Adolf Eichmann was captured by the Mossad in Argentina on this day in 1960. Imagine their satisfaction! It makes my spine tingle.
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It's Richard Feynman's birthday, born in 1918.
“From my knowledge of the world that I see around me, I think that it is much more likely that the reports of flying saucers are the results of the known irrational characteristics of terrestrial intelligence than of the unknown rational efforts of extra-terrestrial intelligence.”
When I started thinking this way, the world lost a lot of magic. And in losing that artificial magic, it gained a lot of genuine magic.
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Today I saw the funniest bumper sticker I've ever seen in my life. Perhaps you've seen it too. On one line it says "What would Jesus do" and on the next line it says "for a Klondike bar." I laughed all the way to work.
May 11, 2011
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You might remember a story I told you yesterday about Kevin and Sloth butchering a groundhog that Kevin's dog Hugo killed. In the groundhog's belly they found a brick of all the grass the groundhog had been eating. Sloth heard that the Native Americans used to eat that. Kevin tried some, Sloth tried some, Hugo tried some. Hugo puked.
May 11, 2011
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Have you ever woke up with a cat's foot in your mouth? Before today, I hadn't.
May 11, 2010
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On this day in 2006, Phillies centerfielder Aaron Rowand crashed into the fence at Citizens Bank Park, making a fantastic catch and breaking several bones in his face, helping the Phils beat the New York Mets, 2-0. It was worth it!
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Peter Singer's thought experiment:
Imagine that you are walking down the street and notice a child drowning in a lake. You can swim and are close enough to save her if you act immediately. However, doing so ruins your expensive shoes. Do you still have an obligation to save the child?
Singer believes that we all do have that responsibility to save the dying child. The personal losses meaningless. So if you agree, you have to ask yourself this question.
If you are obligated to save the life of a child in need, is there a fundamental difference between saving a child in front of you and one on the other side of the world?
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On this day in 1997, Deep Blue defeated Gary Kasparov, and robots could forevermore beat humans at chess. I heard that the current goal is to have 11 robots that could beat the World Cup soccer team. And it should happen within a few decades!
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Salvador Dalí, the artist and anteater walker, was born on this day in 1904.
"Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it."
I agree!
"What is important is to spread confusion, not eliminate it."
I disagree!
"Those who do not want to imitate anything, produce nothing."
I agree!
"I'm going to live forever. Geniuses don't die."
I disagree!
"I am a contradictory and paradoxical man."
I agree and disagree!
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Swiss philosopher Henri-Frédéric Amiel left us on this day in 1881.
"You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering."
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Bob Marley: The good times of today are the sad thoughts of tomorrow.
Also Bob Marley: Don't worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright.
Something tells me he smoked a doobie before that second quote. We lost him on this day in 1981, due to a gangrene toe.
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The actor, Timothy Carey, left us on this day in 1994.
"I always thought if you really want to be a good actor, you've got to be able to fart in public. That, to me, is the most important. If you are so inhibited that you can't fart, I don't mean around your friends, I mean just a fart, out loud somewhere. I don't mean the 'silent creeper', everybody does that. I mean fart out loud! Just that you can do it and not be afraid of it. Humility is very important."
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Novelist and screenwriter, Douglas Adams, left us on this day in 2001. Here's his take on the Ship of Theseus philosophical identity problem, from Last Chance To See:
"I remembered once, in Japan, having been to see the Gold Pavilion Temple in Kyoto and being mildly surprised at quite how well it had weathered the passage of time since it was first built in the fourteenth century. I was told it hadn’t weathered well at all, and had in fact been burnt to the ground twice in this century. “So it isn’t the original building?” I had asked my Japanese guide.
“But yes, of course it is,” he insisted, rather surprised at my question.
“But it’s burnt down?”
“Yes.”
“Twice.”
“Many times.”
“And rebuilt.”
“Of course. It is an important and historic building.”
“With completely new materials.”
“But of course. It was burnt down.”
“So how can it be the same building?”
“It is always the same building.”
I had to admit to myself that this was in fact a perfectly rational point of view, it merely started from an unexpected premise. The idea of the building, the intention of it, its design, are all immutable and are the essence of the building. The intention of the original builders is what survives. The wood of which the design is constructed decays and is replaced when necessary. To be overly concerned with the original materials, which are merely sentimental souvenirs of the past, is to fail to see the living building itself."
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I was watching MTV one day in 1986, when I was in 7th grade, and I had this strong feeling that the next video that came on was going to turn into a massive hit. I even said it out loud. The song that came on was Fight For Your Right to Party, by the Beastie Boys, the first time I ever heard it. I was watching MTV again in college and had the same feeling. Again, I said it out loud. It was Buddy Holly by Weezer, the first time I ever heard them. Weezer's Blue album debuted on this day in 1994.
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This day in 1980, a 39-year-old Pete Rose stole second, third, and home in the top of the seventh inning for the Phillies, in front of the Reds home crowd, the place he played for the previous 16 years. He led the Phillies to a 7-3 win.
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Jerry Stiller left us on this day in 2020.
"Never go for the punch line. There might be something funnier on the way."
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Jack Rebney left us on this day in 2023. Winnebago Man outtakes, a timeless classic.
https://youtu.be/zSWUWPx2VeQ
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On this day in 868, Zen Buddhism's Diamond Sutra was printed in china, making it the oldest known dated printed book. It's themes are non-self, the emptiness of all phenomenon, liberation through non-attachment, and the teaching of the Diamond Sutra itself.
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Addendum
Bruce Chatwin, Anatomy of Restlessness, from The Morality of Things
"I had felt estranged from my friends and enjoyed the company of a man who was very old and very wise in Islamic teaching. He was also the commercial attache of a Middle Eastern embassy. One evening there came to his flat in Victoria an Englishman of about fifty-five with an expression of perfect composure. No wrinkle lined him. He seemed to belong to that nearly extinct species - the happy man. He was not withdrawn or half out of this world, but very much in it. Yet he lived a life which would reduce most of us to nervous breakdowns. He was the representative of a manufact urer of typewriters and every three months he visited nearly all the countries of Africa by plane. He had no relatives or attachments. He lived from a suitcase, and the suitcase was sufficently small to fit under the seat o f an aeroplane so that he could carry it as hand baggage. When he passed through London he renewed the lot, the suitcase and the clothes. He appeared to possess nothing else, but when I pressed him he admitted to owning a box which he didn't want to discuss. I would make fun o f him, he said. I promised not to laugh at the box, and he told me he kept in the office safe a solicitor's black tin deed box. Inside it were his things. Back in London four times a year he would sleep in the office bunk room which the company reserved for its travelling salesmen. For half an hour he would lock the door, take the things from the box and spread them on the bunk. They were the assorted bric-a-brac of English middle-class life — the teddy bear, the photograph of his father killed in the First War, his medal, the letter from the King, some of his mother's trinkets, a swimming trophy and a presentation ashtray. But each time he brought from Africa one new thing, and he threw out one old thing that had lost its meaning. 'I know it sounds silly,' he said, 'but they are my roots.' He is the only man I have ever met who solved the tricky equation between things and freedom. The box was the hub of his migration orbit, the territorial fixed point at which he could renew his identity. And without it he would have become literally deranged."
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