Ten Thousand Gifts, a Butt and Nose, and Birth of a Christmas Eve Monster
Ava Gardner joined us on this day in 1922. She would have been a hundred today. Some people think that her beauty was only rivaled by Elizabeth Taylor.
Deborah Kerr- "Her beauty was something she called dumb luck, biology and North Carolina mud, but her heart, so big, was her creation."
...
Did you hear that Hulk Hogan was recently baptized? I was just watching a documentary on Rowdy Roddy Piper a couple weeks ago and Hogan told a pretty interesting story near the end.
He said that there was some problem with his phone, and several days after Piper died, a message finally came through from him.
Piper sang Hank Williams, “I saw the li-i-ight," then continued, "I’m walking with Jesus my brother, walking with Jesus. Loving you and praying for you.”
Hogan said it was a pretty weird message to get after someone had died, and that it "spooked" him, haha. I love that he framed it that way, that it spooked him. Apparently, it spooked him into the arms Jesus. I guess it's like they say, God works in spooky ways.
About 25 years ago I was traveling around the country in a van, and something strangely similar happened to me. When I stop driving for the day I couldn't find the book I was reading, Henry Miller's Tropic of Cancer. I searched the whole van a couple times over. I couldn't wait to continue reading it, but it was gone. I figured I left it somewhere. Bummer.
I said something like, "If Jesus is real, let me find my book." I looked again in the crate next to the driver seat, and somehow, there it was! And, echoing Piper's message to Hogan, Hank Williams' I Saw the Light came on the radio!
That spooked me a bit too, but the real miracle would be if seemingly miraculous things never happened to us, right? Haha. I mean what's more likely, that I just overlooked it, or that the coincidence was proof of the existence of a good, omnipotent, all-knowing God?
Anyway, there was a 1964 Supreme Court case over whether or not the book could be sold in the country. It was said to be pornographic, obscene. So if there really is a Jesus, and he helped me find my book, he must be a different kind of Jesus than most people think.
*Sidenote, I asked a friend recently if he had heard about Hogan's baptism, and he asked back, "Can God make an Andre the Giant so heavy that not even Hulk Hogan can body slam him? Absolutely not." Haha.
...
Another beautiful picture, Earthrise, taken on this day in 1968 by astronaut William Anders on Apollo 8. Joseph Campbell, from Myths to Live By:
"We are the children of this beautiful planet that we have lately seen photographed from the moon. We were not delivered into it by some god, but have come forth from it.
We may think of ourselves, then, as the functioning ears and eyes and minds of this earth, exactly as our own ears and eyes and minds are of our bodies. Our bodies are one with this earth, this wonderful ‘oasis in the desert of infinite space’; and the mathematics of that infinite space, which are the same as of Newton’s mind - our mind, the earth’s mind, the mind of the universe - come to flower and fruit in this beautiful oasis through ourselves.
‘The world,’ wrote the poet Rilke, ‘is large, but in us it is deep as the sea.’ We carry the laws within us by which it is held in order. And we ourselves are no less mysterious. In searching out is wonders, we are learning simultaneously the wonder of ourselves."
Elsewhere he wrote:
"With our view of Earthrise, we could see that the Earth and the heavens were no longer divided but that the Earth is in the heavens. There is no division and all the theological notions based on the distinction between the heavens and the Earth collapse with that realization. There is a unity in the universe and a unity in our own experience."
...
Very strange... mom and dad got Gretel, Zuzu, and Millie the same sized present. I thought, "I bet that's a book of Lifesavers." It was! I used to get them for Christmas like 40 years ago. Somehow deep within the recesses of my mind I have that shape memorized.
December 24, 2023
...
Every year at Christmas I'm reminded of this anecdote from John Waters' autobiography Crackpot, explaining his annual Christmas Eve party:
"I usually invite about a hundred people and the guests know I expect each to get everyone else a present. 10,000 gifts! When they're ripped open at midnight you can see Christmas dementia at its height."
December 24, 2017
...
The age-old philosophical question– why be good? Some people think we should be good for God. Some kids think we should be good for Santa. The answer is tucked away neatly in a throwaway line from Santa Claus Is Coming to Town- "Be good for goodness sake." Yes, we should be good for the sake of goodness itself. What better reason could there be?
December 24, 2021
...
Vonnegut- "Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead."
...
Once in the Badlands of South Dakota I almost stepped on a rattlesnake, then had to walk through several miles of tall grass to get back to my van. I kept thinking that piles of buffalo crap were coiled up rattlesnakes, scaring me half to death.
Several people in my orbit got covid really bad recently. One is over it but looks like he aged 20 or 30 years. One said she would have preferred to have a baby every day for several weeks instead of being so sick. Her husband was young and fit, ended up in the hospital, is currently on oxygen, and will be out of work for months. Another was in the hospital hoping to be out by Christmas. All unvaccinated. A few vaccinated people in my orbit also got covid... resulting in minor headaches.
It's as if we're all walking through the tall prairie grass together, except some of us are more afraid of the buffalo crap than the rattlesnakes.
December 24, 2021
...
DR. FAUCI DAY!
The Making of Saints by James Hopgood is about secular sainthood- non-religious people who come to be seen as cultural quasi-saints. These are people like Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr, Elvis, Harriet Tubman, Charles Darwin, Dolly Parton, Frederick Douglass, James Dean, Che Guevara, John Lennon, Eva Peron, Neil Armstrong, Bob Marley, Abbie Hoffman, Benazir Butto, Bob Dylan, etc. You can think of more.
The book came out in 2005, and since then I would add Greta Thunberg and Malala Yousafzai to the list. Miley Cyrus? I don't know. Somehow we don't make the rules.
Dr. Fauci now makes that list.
Look at what Dr. Fauci represents, these secular saints always represent something more than themselves. He represents science, knowledge, steadiness, expertise, dedication, hard work, fearlessness.
He's not perfect, like all secular saints- they are human. Did Dr. Fauci speak truth to power? Yes. Could have he spoke more truth to power? Yes. Put yourself in his position though. Your singular goal is to help cure a nation, but how do you do that when 40% of that nation worships a pathological liar who worships himself and the stock market? Say the wrong word, and your vilified. You just lost 40% and failed in your goal. How do you walk that line? Is it even possible? Imagine going to work on Monday and that's the moral dilemma you face. I believe he gave his best good-faith effort at every step.
When he said to not wear masks, apparently worried that everybody would snap up all the masks leaving none for doctors and nurses, even if that was a lie, it was a just lie, wasn't it? Lies that keep people from dying are lies we could all tell.
When he said that hydroxychloroquine was useless and maybe even harmful, he was right wasn't he? Appealing to authority is a logical fallacy, and not good policy. You can't say that evolution is true because Darwin said so. Let's face it though, when making decisions in uncertain times, the phrase "Dr. Fauci said (x)" carried weight, and the weight is carried was justified. He said to scrap hydroxychloroquine, and that was good enough for the time because we knew it was based on the best possible evidence.
When he was forced to say over and over and over that yes, he's telling the White House what to do, but that yes, we are correct, they are indeed not listening to him... we can see we would be in better shape now if they had.
What did he receive for his good faith effort to cure us? Death threats, for him and his family. He was cast as a pariah by those who see perfection in someone who is among the most flawed human beings of our era. They demand perfection, and it's perfection or nothing, his way or tge highway. Contradicting their perfect person in itself means you are yourself imperfect, thus worthless. Your head deserves to be on a pike, as they say.
What else has he received besides death threats? Adulation from the vast majority, and dare I say from the majority that is worthy of his expertise?
It's Dr. Fauci Day today, in Washington DC, his hometown. It's his 80th birthday. We should make this a national holiday. When we think back on this year, let's remember that we had a true leader.
And to anyone who disagrees- Merry Christmas Eve, take the day off work!
December 24, 2020
...
A guy I play racquetball with had a heart attack. In the middle of the night he woke up, felt terrible, walked over to the bathroom and passed out. His dog started barking and barking and barking which woke up his wife who then called the ambulance. An artery had collapsed, and once it was corrected and he was put on medication, he felt tip top. But if he hadn't been found right away he could have easily died. Moral of the story, get a dog!
December 24, 2019
...
Remember to keep the Christ in Christ-marks-the-spot.
December 24, 2019
...
"Frosty the snowman
Was a jolly happy soul
With a corncob pipe
And a butt and nose and
Two eyes made out of coal."
Or at least that's what my kids will grow up thinking the lyrics are.
December 24, 2017
...
Gretel was acting naughty tonight... I had to remind her that the mall Santa had told her that she needed to be as good as she can be, and that will be good enough for him. You know what she said? She said, "That means we can be just a little bit naughty." No it doesn't!
December 24, 2017
...
Emma- Tonight, as we were walking out the door to visit his family for Christmas eve, Ben told me that I looked like Peggy Bundy. In response to my obvious alarm he replied, "I meant that as a compliment. You look nice."
December 24, 2016
...
Is this Giant on Christmas Eve, or Q's court in the trial of Picard?
December 24, 2015
...
Emma doesn't understand what's so great about the angel named Harold.
December 24, 2015
...
I couldn't put down my car windows because of the thunderstorm, had to turn on the AC instead. Merry Modern Christmas Eve!
December 24, 2015
...
Let's keep the Christ in Christ-ray spex.
December 24, 2012
...
I'll bet the decline of a civilization is proportional to the rise in the accumulation of nicknacks.
December 24, 2011
...
From star wars mad libs: A jedi must have the deepest boogie, the most kinky mind. A jedi uses the force for knowledge and gumballs, never for attack.
December 24, 2010
...
...
Not all is jolly on Christmas Eve. On this day in 1865, Jonathan Shank and Barry Ownby formed The Ku Klux Klan.
...
Anne Frank's diary, from this day in 1943- “Believe me, if you’ve been shut up for a year and a half, it can get to be too much for you sometimes. But feelings can’t be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem. I long to ride a bike, dance, whistle, look at the world, feel young and know that I’m free, and yet I can’t let it show.”
...
On this date in 1968, the crew of Apollo 8 entered into orbit around the Moon, becoming the first humans to do so.
...
Julianne Koepcke's plane crashed in the Amazon on this day in 1971. Here's an excellent article on it.
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/18/science/koepcke-diller-panguana-amazon-crash.html
Here's a crazy coincidence. As I was reading the article, I thought how great it would be for Herzog to make a movie out of it. Number one, he did in 2000, Wings of Hope. Number two, he was very nearly on the plane that wrecked! The plane was getting repaired, and one of the two flights that they had to be canceled. Herzogs was canceled, and the others was Koepcke's. Wow.
...
Lemmy was born on this day in 1945.
"Fuck God and fuck the devil and fuck the church too. I’m responsible for my actions. I don’t need to hide behind nothing. The devil didn’t make me do it, I did it – whatever I did."
...
Jeff Sessions was born on this day in 1946. The first senator to support Trump, and then Trump destroyed his political career. It's so nice when someone pays a proper price for their crimes!
...
Other notable birthdays: Howard Hughes (1905), I.F. Stone (1907), Mohammed Rafi (1924)
...
The body builder, Angelo Siciliano, better known as Charles Atlas, left us on this day in 1972.
...
Peyo left us on this day in 1992.
...
Other notable deathdays- Vasco da Gama (1524), John Muir (1914), Norman Vincent Peale (1993), Toshiro Mifune (1997), Harold Pinter (2008)
...
The Onion- Nation’s Oppressed Christians Huddle Underground To Light Single Shriveled Christmas Shrub
https://www.theonion.com/nation-s-oppressed-christians-huddle-underground-to-lig-1819578481
...
Excerpt from Terry Gross's Fresh Air interview with Werner Herzog. It crosses my mind all the time.
GROSS: But getting back to actually having heard the tape [of the mauling], did that have an impact on you as a film director in terms of what you think death sounds like and what you want to hear when you’re directing a death scene?
Mr. HERZOG: No. When you hear a tape like this, you are not a film director anymore, and you are not a German or an American or a Japanese or anyone anymore. You are just a stark naked human being that is confronted with the most terrifying a human being can be confronted. Nobody deserves to die like him. No one. No matter whether he made mistakes or not. And you are not a film director anymore when you hear a thing like that.
GROSS: OK. Well, that’s just the thing. A lot of people are afraid to expose themselves to certain images or certain sounds because they’re afraid that they’ll never be able to turn it off. That that sound, that image is going to come back to haunt them, and what about you? Were you able to hear the most horrible thing and then…
Mr. HERZOG: Yes, sure, but…
GROSS: … put it aside, you know, then forget?
Mr. HERZOG: You do not – no, you can’t put it aside. But you have to deal with it, and you have to have a healthy response to it and live unhealthily anyway. But it’s – in a way, it is an attitude that I’ve always had. My friends are wondering why did I watch Anna Nicole Smith’s show. Why do I watch Wrestlemania? My answer is…
GROSS: Yes?
Mr. HERZOG: No, seriously, I do that. My answer is the poet must not avert his eyes from what’s going on in the world. In order to understand what’s going on, you have to face it.
...
A similar sentiment expressed by Henry Miller- "Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end."
...
...
Bob Dylan- Twas the Night Before Christmas
https://youtu.be/A8yewhGBOco
December 24, 2019
...
David Sedaris- Santaland Diaries
If you haven't had the pleasure, or if you need to be reminded to listen again.
https://youtu.be/uJj00-YR3IM
December 24, 2020
...
...
Charles Bukowski
“Christmas eve, alone,
in a motel room
down the coast
near the Pacific,
hear it?…
back in town
they're drunk and panicked
running red lights
breaking their heads open
in honor of Christ's
birthday. that's nice.”
...
Hannah Arendt- "The ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the convinced Communist, but people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction (i.e., the reality of experience) and the distinction between true and false (i.e., the standards of thought) no longer exist."
...
Alan Watts- "No amount of anxiety makes any difference to anything that is going to happen."
...
Hicks- "It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious."
...
Arthur C. Clarke- "A faith that cannot survive collision with the truth is not worth many regrets."
...
Anthony Jeselnick- "Me and girlfriend..... we’re not together anymore. She's got a new boyfriend now. They just moved in together. Actually, I’ve heard rumors that he's abusive, which kinda makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat...... and then blame it on her boyfriend."
...
Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath- "There ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue. There's just stuff people do."
...
Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny- "Did you fuck my mom, Santa Claus? Did you fuck my mom? Did you fuck her? DID YOU FUCK MY FUCKING MOM? DID YOU FUCK MY MOM, SANTA?”
...
Hitchens- “If religious instruction were not allowed until the child had attained the age of reason, we would be living in a quite different world.”
...
Steven Wright:
“I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.”
My father was a small claims court jester.
“I’m going to get a tattoo over my whole body of me but taller.”
“My girlfriend hates it when we take a bath together and I practice skipping rocks.”
“Whenever I pick up someone hitchhiking I always like to wait a few minutes before saying anything. I say, ‘So how far did you think you were going? Put your seatbelt on, I wanna try something. I saw it in a cartoon, but I'm pretty sure I can do it.
...
...
Comments
Post a Comment