One With Everything, Yet Splitting Things Up

Wednesday Addams- “I find social media to be a soul-sucking void of meaningless affirmation.”

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I walked into a couple of zingers at work this morning. A farmer asked me if I thought it was going to snow. I said I didn't think it was supposed to. He said, "Well it depends on the weather." I laughed and another farmer said, "Yeah, it depends on 'weather' or not it's going to snow."

December 13, 2024

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Our ancestors will consider us dinosaurs because we didn't have an endless supply of energy thanks to nuclear fusion. This is a real step into the future. I'm going to make my house 80° in the winter and 60° in the summer.

New York Times today: Scientists Achieve Nuclear Fusion Breakthrough With Blast of 192 Lasers

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/12/13/science/nuclear-fusion-energy-breakthrough.html

December 13, 2022

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The Atlantic today- Scientists Missed an Entire Organ In Snakes

This is great!

"The existence of the snake penis has been established for more than a century. Only now is the science of snake clitorises catching up. Katherine J. Wu reports:"

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From The Autobiography of Bertrand Russell:

Perhaps the essence of the Liberal outlook could be summed up in a new decalogue, not intended to replace the old one but only to supplement it. The Ten Commandments that, as a teacher, I should wish to promulgate, might be set forth as follows:

1. Do not feel absolutely certain of anything.

2. Do not think it worth while to proceed by concealing evidence, for the evidence is sure to come to light.

3. Never try to discourage thinking for you are sure to succeed.

4. When you meet with opposition, even if it should be from your husband or your children, endeavor to overcome it by argument and not by authority, for a victory dependent upon authority is unreal and illusory.

5. Have no respect for the authority of others, for there are always contrary authorities to be found.

6. Do not use power to suppress opinions you think pernicious, for if you do the opinions will suppress you.

7. Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.

8. Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent than in passive agreement, for, if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter.

9. Be scrupulously truthful, even if the truth is inconvenient, for it is more inconvenient when you try to conceal it.

10. Do not feel envious of the happiness of those who live in a fool’s paradise, for only a fool will think that it is happiness.

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I'm surprised to hear that a Quinnipiac poll shows 60% of registered Republicans believe Biden's win was legitimate. I would have guessed 10-25%. 

We're still talking about tens of millions though who feel disenfranchised, and they are furious. How many will pick up their guns?

December 13, 2020

Postscript- It's way lower now, because if you repeat something over and over and over and over, people then tend to think it's true. That's a lesson from Europe in the 1930's.

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One of my favorite jokes of all time was from Growing Pains. Mike left town and recorded tapes to cover any situation, with Ben in charge of playing them. Maggie knocked on the bathroom door and Ben mixed up the tapes.

Maggie: "Mike, what are you doing in the bathroom for so long?"

Mike on tape: "I don't know, but it sure smells good!"

December 13, 2016

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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vender? "Make me one with everything." What did the hot dog vender say when the Buddhist asked for his change? "Change comes from within."

December 13, 2015

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I dropped a chocolate chip while I was holding Zuzu. I looked all over and couldn't find it. Emma found it hours later, melted in her neck folds.

December 13, 2015

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Ricky Gervais- "I support traditional marriage as it is stated in The Bible....between a man and one of his ribs."

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Monkey ornaments, back in action.

December 13, 2023

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Next time I throw up normally I'm going to say I got a case of the wet heaves. With your help, friends, this could catch on.

December 13, 2012

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A Thousand Clowns was released on this day in 1965. It's considered one of the most forgettable best picture nominees. I'm absolutely in love with the beginning.

"Nick, you're about to see a horrible thing, people going to work."

The trailer: https://youtu.be/IKEXGNByRQY

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The playwright Marc Connelly joined us on this day in 1890. At the Algonquin, a man rubbed his bald head and said, "You know Marc, your head feels as smooth as my wife's behind." Without missing a beat, Marc rubbed his fingers over own head and said, "So it does."

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Maimonides left us on this day in 1204. From The Guide for the Perplexed:

"Truth does not become more true by virtue of the fact that the entire world agrees with it, nor less so even if the whole world disagrees with it."

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António Egas Moniz was beaten to death by deranged patient on this day in 1955. He had just won a Noble Prize in 1949 for developing lobotomies.

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Other notable birthdays- Mary Todd Lincoln (1818), Dick Van Dyke (1925), Steve Buscemi (1952), Taylor Swift (1989)

Other notable deathdays- Donatello (1466), Henry James (1947), and Grandma Moses (1961)

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Sometimes I pretend there's a heaven... a place where I can watch all of the movies that never came to be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDB8Q15iUIE

Broken link, what was it???

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Maimonides again- "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

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Bryson, A Walk In the Woods- "What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally shit myself lifeless."

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Victor Frankl- “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

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Voltaire- "Work keeps at bay three great evils: boredom, vice, and need."

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Woody Allen- "I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."

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Twain- "The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."

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Sam Kinison:

"Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change."

But then he also said:

"How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?"

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Giraldo- "Look at Thomas Jefferson. The guy had illegitimate kids in the 1700s, and they caught him last year. If you cheat on your wife and cover it up for 200 years, you're pretty much thinking you're home free."

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Sagan- "The brain is like a muscle. When it is in use we feel very good. Understanding is joyous."

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Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five- "And Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human. So she was turned into a pillar of salt. So it goes."

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Roger Sterling- “Well, it’s official. Friday, December 13, 1963: Four guys shot their own legs off.” (S3, E13)

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Steven Wright

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

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Oh Annie Lederman with her best friend joke!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoIDAWjK-Y4