"Sure He's an Asshole, but He's My Asshole"

"Sure he's an asshole, but he's my asshole."

That's that how Gene Siskel ended up referring to Roger Ebert, according to Siskel's wife. The two had a contentious relationship for years but ended up being great friends. Ebert was no longer a run-of-the-mill asshole, he became his own asshole- still an asshole, the best of all possible assholes. I love that.

I think that's how a lot of Trump supporters feel about Trump. Many are rabid tail-waggers, but the best that even his closest allies can muster is, "I'm not going to defend his behavior," or "No, I wouldn't want my children to act like him!"

That translates loud and clear as- "Sure he's an asshole, but he's my asshole!"

October 22, 2020

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Bill Murray, former national treasure... not doing so good these days.

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I had been reading a book I liked, but I started to think it was only good, not great, and definitely not stoked that I was only halfway through, bummed at the thought of spending a few more hours reading it, so I looked it up on Wikipedia, read the three paragraphs explaining the plot, then put it on my reject shelf as I giggled, proud of myself for reclaiming several hours of my life. "Good books" are a deceptive time thief.

October 22, 2022

Postscript- The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Nighttime."

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Do you think Trump should be punished for telling all of his lies? Well he's already serving his sentence- he's surrounded by people who are also telling him lies all day. 

-You're so smart!

-You're so thin! 

-You're so beautiful! 

-You know the most about (oh, pick something) crop rotation in the 14th century. 

-Your policies are helping America! And you alone are responsible! 

-You don't have to be a "good" person to be a good person. 

-Of course you're not a laughing stock!

-Sure, the Constitution says that! 

-The people knew they were electing a businessman, so OF COURSE you can profit off the presidency. 

-These intelligence briefings are boring anyway. Yes, TV is better and fun to watch!

-Lincoln Schmincoln, you will be remembered as the greatest president of all time! 

Yes, to some I'm sure it would seem that he has it all... money, power, porn stars(???)... but he's leading a completely inauthentic and hollow existence. To be surrounded by people lying to me all day would be a fate worse than death. Can you imagine something worse? A perfect punishment.

October 22, 2019

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October 22, 2016

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I asked a co-op farmer today how many children he has, and he said "one and a half dozen." I didn't believe him but he insisted, and these aren't people to lie. And do you know what, he was telling the truth! He's my age and he has one and a half dozen children. His wife's pregnant too, so soon he'll have eight... that's two, and a half dozen.

October 22, 2013

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For Russell Means, it was a good day to die.

October 22, 2012

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Politicians often say they won't consider hypotheticals. What sort of maniac doesn't consider hypotheticals??? Do they only consider the things that have happened or are happening?

October 22, 2012

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One doesn't get the feeling that Romney has any intellectual curiosity.

October 22, 2012

Postscript- As far as political complaints go, you don't get more quaint than that!

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Jean-Paul Sartre rejected the Nobel Prize in Literature on this day in 1964. He refused all accolades for his writing.

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On this day in 1965, Johnny Cash kicked out the lights of the Grand Ole Opry.

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Chef Boyardee was a real person, born on this day in 1897.

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Curly Howard was born on this day in 1903. People will be laughing at his antics hundreds of years in the future. Mark my words, if you're around.

"Wild hyacinth!"

"Babies are afraid... I'm no baby."

In college my friends and I would wake up at 5:30 to watch the Three Stooges on a little black and white TV. We had to get the antenna just right for it to come through. If we woke up and it was cloudy we would just go back to bed, there's no way we could get the signal. One morning we caught this episode and I swear we laughed for a solid 15 minutes after seeing this bit. We quoted it for years. We still quote it. It's my favorite Three Stooges clip.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1409431369168994/permalink/5672595332852555/

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Ichiro Suzuki was born on this day in 1973, one of the greatest hitters in the history of baseball.

Baseball fan Isao Ogata at Tokyo's Jingu Stadium in TimeAsia.com- "The way he hits is just like a Samurai. I'll bet he could split a mosquito with a sword."

Baseball Digest- "When Ichiro steps into the batter's box, no one—the pitcher, the shortstop, the fans, even his teammates—has any idea what he is planning... He may be the Madonna of baseball, reinventing himself periodically to keep people guessing."

Ichiro- "Chicks who dig home runs aren't the ones who appeal to me. I think there's sexiness in infield hits because they require technique. I'd rather impress the chicks with my technique than with my brute strength. Then, every now and then, just to show I can do that, too, I might flirt a little by hitting one out."

Legend has it, that if you want to send something to Ichiro in Japan from the United States, just write "Ichiro" on the package.

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Pretty Boy Floyd was gunned down on this day in 1934 after fleeing the police and ignoring their order to halt. He was buried in Akins Cemetery in Sallisaw, Oklahoma, where a year prior he told his mother, "Right here is where you can put me. I expect to go down soon with lead in me. Maybe the sooner the better. Bury me deep."

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Baseball sportscaster, Red Barber, left us on this day in 1992. He was the first person to ever broadcast a baseball game, saying, "This is Red Barber speaking. Let me say hello to you all."

Famous expressions:

"He's sitting in the catbird seat."

"Hold the phone."

"Running like a bunny with his tail on fire."

A favorite- "Baseball is dull only to dull minds."

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Novelist, Kingsley Amis, left us on this day in 1995.

"If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing."

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Soupy Sales left us on this day in 2009.

He supposedly said on television, "I took my wife to a baseball game. I kissed her on the strikes and she kissed me on the balls."

In his memoir, he said that kids must have just heard dirty jokes and then told their parents that's where they heard it. Nevertheless, great joke! Also, "My wife can’t cook, but she sure can cream my banana!”

Own it, Soupy!

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Other notable birthdays- Robert Capa (1913), Bob Odenkirk (1962), Spike Jonze (1969)

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The New Liquor Store Cashier

I just had the strangest cashier ever. I put two bottles of wine up on the counter at the liquor store and he said, “Can I help you?”

It took a couple seconds to figure out how to respond- “I want to buy these.”

He stared right at the money in my hand and asked, “Do you want to pay with cash or a credit card?”

I held up my hand slightly and said “Cash.”

He kept looking at it and asked me “How much?”

Again, how do I answer? I’m trying to not be rude but everything he's saying is completely backwards. Obviously it’s his first day on the job, but how does he not know this routine? Certainly he’s bought things in a store before, probably thousands of times. The customer puts things on the counter, the cashier rings them up and tells the customer how much is owed. How has it been this much trouble up to this point? I asked him, “What do I owe?”

He looked, “$14.71.”

I handed him $15 and wondered what else was going to happen.

He rang it up and said rather confidently, “You’re change is twenty-nine cents.” He had said it too early though, he still needed to put all the money away and get the change. A minute later he handed me a quarter and four pennies. Except he didn’t really hand it to me. I wouldn’t say that he “tossed” it either, but whatever he did resulted in two of the pennies falling to the floor.

I picked them up and he handed me the bag. As I grabbed it he asked me if I wanted it double-bagged. I said no, realizing later that this was a huge mistake. My wine bottles made it back home intact, but I should have taken him up on his offer just to see what else would have happened. Would have he put them in a trash bag? Would have he then have asked if I wanted it triple-bagged? Paper-bagged? Tea-bagged? No way, but something very weird would have happened and I wish I knew what it was.

I know one thing though- he’s my new liquor store cashier.

October 22, 2011

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10 Unforgettable Facts About Human Memory

Huh, 60% of our memories are from when we were between 13 and 25.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eTtzH_4gP8

October 22, 2012

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So you want to be a writer?

By Bukowski 

if it doesn't come bursting out of you

in spite of everything,

don't do it.

unless it comes unasked out of your

heart and your mind and your mouth

and your gut,

don't do it.

if you have to sit for hours

staring at your computer screen

or hunched over your

typewriter

searching for words,

don't do it.

if you're doing it for money or

fame,

don't do it.

if you're doing it because you want

women in your bed,

don't do it.

if you have to sit there and

rewrite it again and again,

don't do it.

if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,

don't do it.

if you're trying to write like somebody

else,

forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of

you,

then wait patiently.

if it never does roar out of you,

do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife

or your girlfriend or your boyfriend

or your parents or to anybody at all,

you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,

don't be like so many thousands of

people who call themselves writers,

don't be dull and boring and

pretentious, don't be consumed with self-

love.

the libraries of the world have

yawned themselves to

sleep

over your kind.

don't add to that.

don't do it.

unless it comes out of

your soul like a rocket,

unless being still would

drive you to madness or

suicide or murder,

don't do it.

unless the sun inside you is

burning your gut,

don't do it.

when it is truly time,

and if you have been chosen,

it will do it by

itself and it will keep on doing it

until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyYWpk3CqJU

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Kingsley Amis, Lucky Jim:

"Dixon was alive again. Consciousness was upon him before he could get out of the way; not for him the slow, gracious wandering from the halls of sleep, but a summary, forcible ejection. He lay sprawled, too wicked to move, spewed up like a broken spider-crab on the tarry shingle of morning. The light did him harm, but not as much as looking at things did; he resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again. A dusty thudding in his head made the scene before him beat like a pulse. His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum. During the night, too, he'd somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by secret police. He felt bad."

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Louis CK's "new favorite joke"- Dan Natterman's sex ed joke.

https://youtube.com/shorts/OS8vLubwB9U

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David Lynch doesn't want Mitt Romney to get his MITTs on R MONEY.

October 22, 2012

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Patrick Tomlinson's perfect pro-life thought experiment. You're in a fertility clinic that is burning down and you have the option of saving a 5 year old kid or a thousand embryos. 

I was wrong, I thought the question would be- What should the punishment be for getting an abortion? It's simpler with and actual A or B answer.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/man-pro-choice-question-anti-abortion-argument-human-embryos-five-year-old-a8016671.html

October 22, 2017

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The first Taco Bell menu.

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Rolling Stone- A Few Things to Keep in Mind as Trump Attacks Hunter Biden

All right, who's ready for this debate??? It's only 12 days until Election Day... and you know what that means, it's only 11 days to VACCINATION DAY! Time's flying.

Did anybody see Trump's palpable, seething hatred toward Leslie Stahl? She only asked why he doesn't ask his supporters to wear masks at his rallies, pointing out that he got covid for not wearing a mask, and that his supporters look up to him and he would listen to him if he asked them to wear one.

Reasonable! He was steamed... the inevitable conclusion of him spending four years boxing himself in so that there's no reasonable answers to reasonable interview questions. And everybody knows the true answer that he was too bashful to say out loud- "Because I wanna be a tuff guy."

https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/hunter-biden-business-dealings-trump-debate-attacks-1079781/

October 22, 2020

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Oh no, it's that time of year again that Chucky shows up at our house.

October 22, 2023

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Russell Means- “Before I was six years old, my grandparents and my mother had taught me that if all the green things that grow were taken from the earth, there could be no life. If all the four-legged creatures were taken from the earth, there could be no life. If all the winged creatures were taken from the earth, there could be no life. If all our relatives who crawl and swim and live within the earth were taken away, there could be no life. But if all the human beings were taken away, life on earth would flourish. That is how insignificant we are.”

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Emo Phillips- "I use astrology to see if I'm compatible with a woman. If she believes in it, we are not."

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Pythagoras- “Let no one persuade you by word or deed to do or say whatever is not best for you.”

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Edgar Allan Poe- "There is no exquisite beauty… without some strangeness in the proportion."

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Thomas Merton, Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander- "The greatest need of our time is to clean out the enormous mass of mental and emotional rubbish that clutters our minds"

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Herodotus- "In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons" 

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Nietzsche- "The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.

In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule."

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Normie:

“People know I go to Las Vegas a lot and they always ask if I saw the white tigers at the Mirage. I say, ‘Only if they were sitting at the Let It Ride table.’”

“I saw this one – it was for cat food – at the end of it, it says, ‘All natural food for your cat.’ All natural food? But cat food’s made out of horse meat. Yeah, that’s the way it works in nature: the cat, right above the horse in the food chain.”

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