The Greatest Achievement in Comedy, and Other Things
Hiroshima, Japan was devastated at 815am on this day in 1945, when the atomic bomb "Little Boy" was dropped by the United States B-29 Enola Gay. Around 70,000 people were killed instantly, and some tens of thousands die in subsequent years from burns and radiation poisoning.
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I was walking Holly tonight and two kids who were sitting on their porch asked me what kind of dog she was.
Me- She's a pug.
Kid- I have a Chinese Shih Tzu.
His friend wasn't having it.
Kid's Friend- No he don't! He gots a REGULAR dog.
August 6, 2022
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From History in Pictures:
"When alarm clocks were unreliable and expensive, a knocker-upper was a person whose primary job it was to wake people up. In the 1930s, Mary Smith in this image earned six pence a week by shooting dry peas out of a pea shooter at the windows of employees that weren’t waking up in East London. She would not leave a window until she was sure that the workers had woken up."
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There was a guy who drove for us for a few months in 2009 and then moved to NYC. When he left I told him if he ever needed a job again he should get in touch with me. How do I remember that? He emailed me today reminding me, acknowledging it must seem strange that he's asking for a job over a decade later. I think he's going to start again next week. I'm true to my word!
August 6, 2021
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Gretel just told me that at night the sun goes under the ground. I actually said, "No, it goes around the Earth." Whoops, no it doesn't!
It does look like the sun goes around the Earth though, right??? Wittgenstein once asked his students why people once believed that the sun circled the earth. The student answered, "Because it looks that way."
Wittgenstein responded- "And what would it have looked like if the earth circled the sun?"
August 6, 2018
Oh no, terrible news. One of the all-time greats has left us, Darren Daulton. I went to a game once and missed the first inning... Phils were down 4-0. They chipped away and he hit a grand slam to put them ahead for good. Lesson learned, anything is possible.
August 6, 2017
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The current president is praising himself for creating 1.1 million jobs in his last 6 months, so I hope he had the same praise for the former president who did the same exact thing during the equivalent time frame last year.
August 6, 2017
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Oh, of course... if Trump gets elected, the electoral college won't elect him anyway. We elect the electoral college but they can still vote for whoever the like. Good thinking Founding Fathers!
August 6, 2016
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Well, Stephen Colbert reduced me to a puddle of tears in my own living room.
August 5, 2015
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The Straight Outta Compton marketer that just paid for a minute ad during the Republican debate needs to be fired, at best.
August 6, 2015
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Teetotalers- drink every time a Republican candidate speaks Arabic.
August 6, 2015
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Want me to call the vice-presidential candidates for 2016? Marco Rubio and Cory Booker, put money on it.
August 6, 2015
...
Just caught Rubio saying something about immigrants "coming illegally." But for a second I thought he was talking about opposing gay marriage.
August 6, 2015
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This is never good...had an appointment with my orthopedic doctor today, and as he looked through my chart he said, "My God, how many surgeries have I done on you???"
August 6, 2015
...
Hmmm, what questions would I ask at this debate tonight?
-Do you believe in evolution? Good to get the basics out of the way first.
-What's your favorite movie? (Is there a better question you can ask to get to know somebody's essence?)
-What's the worst thing you've ever done? Hell, what's the best thing you've ever done?
-If God is so powerful, why does he let evil exist?
-Do you believe in civil unions for gay people allowing them legal hospital visitation rights, for instance? (I have a funny feeling there are a lot of candidates who would be seen as progressives in 2004.)
-What's more important, the will of the people or your interpretation of the will of God?
-What government handouts have you received?
If you were to suddenly realize there's no God, would you still know right from wrong? And if so, does that mean that you didn't need God to learn that anyway?
-Has the roll of inheritance given you an unfair advantage?
-Perhaps most importantly- what's the funniest joke you ever heard?
-My answer is an Onion obituary- "Jimmy Oblain, 82, died quietly in his sleep last night, in the middle of a fucking terrifying nightmare."
-In 1000 words or less, tell us how cool guns are.
What does your flag pin mean to you?
-Isn't Mt Rushmore just screaming for Ted Cruz's expressive eyebrows?
August 6, 2015
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Louis CK called The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, "the greatest achievement in comedy." That's maybe true, right? Can't think of another. How will Jon not be back on to mock tonight's debate? Unthinkable!
August 6, 2015
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A motorcycle guy just rode past me with no hands on the handlebars, punching numbers into a calculator. Probably calculating how many seconds he had left to live.
August 6, 2015
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On this day in 1901, Kiowa land in Oklahoma was opened for white settlement, dissolving their reservation. Seems unfair somehow, right?
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Lyndon B. Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act of 1965 into law on this day, protecting voting rights for, well a few decades at least
...
The Ramones played their farewell concert on this day in 1996 at The Palace, Los Angeles, CA.
...
Alfred Lord Tennyson was born on this day in 1809.
"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever."
PUKE!!!
...
Robert Mitchum joined us on this day in 1917.
"I have two acting styles: with and without a horse."
"The only difference between me and my fellow actors is that I've spent more time in jail."
Humble!
...
Andy Warhol was born on this day in 1928. From his diary:
"We went into the lunchroom and then the monk read something for twenty minutes while we ate our lunch - sour apple cider and lentil soup which tasted like canned to me but when I said so everyone just looked at me like I'm crazy, but - I think I know my soup."
...
Marcus Aurelius- "The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane."
...
M. Night Shyamalan was born on this day in 1070. From Norm Macdonald Has a Show:
Norm: Take everything you know about bread & throw it out the window. OK? Did you do that?"
M Night Shyamalan: "I did."
Norm: "Great. Now let me tell you about a little invention I made...
...
Ben Jonson left us on this day in 1637.
"Drink today, and drown all sorrow;
You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow;
Best, while you have it, use your breath;
There is no drinking after death."
...
Director and screenwriter, Preston Sturges, left us on this day in 1959.
"When the last dime is gone, I'll sit on the curb outside with a pencil and a ten cent notebook and start the whole thing over again."
He's one of a small handful of director-screenwriters who one can't tell if they are a better director or screenwriter. Who else? Billy Wilder, Woody Allen, PT Anderson? Almost Quentin Tarantino, escept for his directorial penchant if casting the worst actor to ever grace the screen- Quentin Tarantino.
...
The Onion headline, from 2010: New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don't Love Each Other
...
Live Science- Angry People Think They’re Smarter Than They Are
They should have offered a concrete real-world example that I can relate to. I don't think I'm smart enough to think of any.
August 6, 2018
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Washington Post- He put off getting vaccinated. Now, he’s in the ICU pleading for others to avoid his mistake: ‘I messed up':
Powerful case. But why is first-hand experience necessary to come to this conclusion? Can't these people entertain thought experiments? And what about the person who gave it to him, and the person who gave it to that person? Shouldn't they be saying the same thing, or does it only matter when we get it ourselves?
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/08/06/virginia-man-hospitalized-putoff-covid-19-vaccine-pleads-people-getit/
August 6, 2021
...
There was a guy who drove for us for a few months in 2009 and then moved to NYC. When he left I told him if he ever needed a job again he should get in touch with me. How do I remember that? He emailed me today reminding me, acknowledging it must seem strange that he's asking for a job over a decade later. I think he's going to start again next week. I'm true to my word!
August 6, 2021
...
Gretel just told me that at night the sun goes under the ground. I actually said, "No, it goes around the Earth." Whoops, no it doesn't!
It does look like the sun goes around the Earth though, right??? Wittgenstein once asked his students why people once believed that the sun circled the earth. The student answered, "Because it looks that way."
Wittgenstein responded- "And what would it have looked like if the earth circled the sun?"
August 6, 2018
...
Oh no, terrible news. One of the all-time greats has left us, Darren Daulton. I went to a game once and missed the first inning... Phils were down 4-0. They chipped away and he hit a grand slam to put them ahead for good. Lesson learned, anything is possible.
John Kruk refers to him as a Greek god, and really elaborates- his face, his muscles, his hair...
August 6, 2017
...
The current president is praising himself for creating 1.1 million jobs in his last 6 months, so I hope he had the same praise for the former president who did the same exact thing during the equivalent time frame last year.
August 6, 2017
...
Oh, of course... if Trump gets elected, the electoral college won't elect him anyway. We elect the electoral college but they can still vote for whoever the like. Good thinking Founding Fathers!
August 6, 2016
Postscript: QUAINT!
...
Well, Stephen Colbert reduced me to a puddle of tears in my own living room.
August 5, 2015
...
The Straight Outta Compton marketer that just paid for a minute ad during the Republican debate needs to be fired, at best.
August 6, 2015
...
Teetotalers- drink every time a Republican candidate speaks Arabic.
August 6, 2015
...
Want me to call the vice-presidential candidates for 2016? Marco Rubio and Cory Booker, put money on it.
August 6, 2015
...
Just caught Rubio saying something about immigrants "coming illegally." But for a second I thought he was talking about opposing gay marriage.
August 6, 2015
...
This is never good...had an appointment with my orthopedic doctor today, and as he looked through my chart he said, "My God, how many surgeries have I done on you???"
August 6, 2015
...
Hmmm, what questions would I ask at this debate tonight?
-Do you believe in evolution? Good to get the basics out of the way first.
-What's your favorite movie? (Is there a better question you can ask to get to know somebody's essence?)
-What's the worst thing you've ever done? Hell, what's the best thing you've ever done?
-If God is so powerful, why does he let evil exist?
-Do you believe in civil unions for gay people allowing them legal hospital visitation rights, for instance? (I have a funny feeling there are a lot of candidates who would be seen as progressives in 2004.)
-What's more important, the will of the people or your interpretation of the will of God?
-What government handouts have you received?
If you were to suddenly realize there's no God, would you still know right from wrong? And if so, does that mean that you didn't need God to learn that anyway?
-Has the roll of inheritance given you an unfair advantage?
-Perhaps most importantly- what's the funniest joke you ever heard?
-My answer is an Onion obituary- "Jimmy Oblain, 82, died quietly in his sleep last night, in the middle of a fucking terrifying nightmare."
-In 1000 words or less, tell us how cool guns are.
What does your flag pin mean to you?
-Isn't Mt Rushmore just screaming for Ted Cruz's expressive eyebrows?
August 6, 2015
...
Louis CK called The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, "the greatest achievement in comedy." That's maybe true, right? Can't think of another. How will Jon not be back on to mock tonight's debate? Unthinkable!
August 6, 2015
...
A motorcycle guy just rode past me with no hands on the handlebars, punching numbers into a calculator. Probably calculating how many seconds he had left to live.
August 6, 2015
...
This adorable little girl just called this animal a porky-pine-cone.
August 6, 2016
...
...
On this day in 1901, Kiowa land in Oklahoma was opened for white settlement, dissolving their reservation. Seems unfair somehow, right?
...
Lyndon B. Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act of 1965 into law on this day, protecting voting rights for, well a few decades at least
...
The Ramones played their farewell concert on this day in 1996 at The Palace, Los Angeles, CA.
...
Alfred Lord Tennyson was born on this day in 1809.
"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever."
PUKE!!!
...
Robert Mitchum joined us on this day in 1917.
"I have two acting styles: with and without a horse."
"Listen. I got three expressions: looking left, looking right and looking straight ahead."
"The only difference between me and my fellow actors is that I've spent more time in jail."
Humble!
...
One of my all-time favorite songs is from Jailhouse Rock but it's not an Elvis song.
Mickey Shaughnessy, One More Day:
https://youtu.be/oB9YAVEqWrY
He was born on this day in 1920.
...
Andy Warhol was born on this day in 1928. From his diary:
"We went into the lunchroom and then the monk read something for twenty minutes while we ate our lunch - sour apple cider and lentil soup which tasted like canned to me but when I said so everyone just looked at me like I'm crazy, but - I think I know my soup."
...
Marcus Aurelius- "The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane."
...
M. Night Shyamalan was born on this day in 1070. From Norm Macdonald Has a Show:
Norm: Take everything you know about bread & throw it out the window. OK? Did you do that?"
M Night Shyamalan: "I did."
Norm: "Great. Now let me tell you about a little invention I made...
...
Ben Jonson left us on this day in 1637.
"Drink today, and drown all sorrow;
You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow;
Best, while you have it, use your breath;
There is no drinking after death."
...
Director and screenwriter, Preston Sturges, left us on this day in 1959.
"When the last dime is gone, I'll sit on the curb outside with a pencil and a ten cent notebook and start the whole thing over again."
He's one of a small handful of director-screenwriters who one can't tell if they are a better director or screenwriter. Who else? Billy Wilder, Woody Allen, PT Anderson? Almost Quentin Tarantino, escept for his directorial penchant if casting the worst actor to ever grace the screen- Quentin Tarantino.
...
...
The Onion headline, from 2010: New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don't Love Each Other
...
Live Science- Angry People Think They’re Smarter Than They Are
They should have offered a concrete real-world example that I can relate to. I don't think I'm smart enough to think of any.
August 6, 2018
...
...
Washington Post- He put off getting vaccinated. Now, he’s in the ICU pleading for others to avoid his mistake: ‘I messed up':
Powerful case. But why is first-hand experience necessary to come to this conclusion? Can't these people entertain thought experiments? And what about the person who gave it to him, and the person who gave it to that person? Shouldn't they be saying the same thing, or does it only matter when we get it ourselves?
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/08/06/virginia-man-hospitalized-putoff-covid-19-vaccine-pleads-people-getit/
August 6, 2021
...
James Baldwin- "Hatred is always self hatred, and there is something suicidal about it."
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Proust- "It comes too soon, the moment when there is nothing left to wait for."
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Barack Obama, Dreams from My Father- "But you see, a rich country like America can perhaps afford to be stupid."
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Herman Melville, Bartleby the Scrivener- "I would prefer not to."
Always an option.
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