Take That, Dalai Lama!

Hey Dalai Lama, the teacup is not the same thing as the tea, that's why your robes aren't wet and your skin isn't scalded. You want to keep pushing this oneness nonsense then certainly you wouldn't mind if I call you Your Holiness Adolf Hitler...hey, everything is one right? Haha- Kreider 2, Enlightenment 0. (Take that, Dalai Lama!)

June 8, 2014

...

Been a while since we did a limerick.

There was a young man of Glengarridge
The fruit of the scrofulous marriage.
He sucked off his brother,
And buggered his mother,
And ate up his sister's miscarriage.

Whoa.

...

Either my calculator is broken or Conan O'Brien's 18 seasons of Late Night, 2 seasons of The Tonight Show, and 11 seasons of Conan add up to him being on TV 2 seasons longer than Johnny Carson hosted The Tonight Show.

June 8, 2021

...

A lot of the criticism of mask-wearing sounds to me like, "My right to potentially infect you, trumps your right to not breathe in my possibly contaminated breath."

June 8, 2020

...

I'm not on board with defunding the police. You know why? When someone gets murdered I don't want to be the one to investigate! And then when I find the murderer what do I do, kill them??? No, I'd rather call somebody off the bat. How about we put common-sense, scientifically-backed reforms in place first and see if they help?

June 8, 2020

...

Left racquetball tonight and saw an ancient couple, so old they probably played with hoops and sticks when they were kids. They must have just left the dollar store, both had canes, taking baby steps, very hunched over. As I drove closer to them guess what I saw- they were holding hands. They each had a cane in one hand and the other's hand in the other. You know what- we could all be so lucky some day!

June 8, 2017

...

My two best girls.

...

"Heaven Is For Real" and "God's Not Dead" are both playing at Kendig Square. I'm looking forward to the sequels- "Heaven Is Even Realer Than You Thought," and "Seriously Guys, God's Still Not Dead."

June 8, 2014

...

On this day in 1949, Helen Keller was named in an FBI report as a Communist Party member.

"The country is governed for the richest, for the corporations, the bankers, the land speculators, and for the exploiters of labor. The majority of mankind are working people. The majority of mankind is ground down by industrial oppression in order that the small remnant may live in ease."

Yeah, I get it!

...

George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four was published on this day in 1949, while my dad was a 2 month-old baby trying to hold his head up. Here's something that was written way back then in the past:

“Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.”

...

Associated Press photographer Nick Ut won the Pulitzer Prize for the picture he took 50 years ago today, in 1972, of nine-year-old Phan Thị Kim Phúc as she ran down the road, the victim of a Nixon-Kissinger napalm attack. Kissinger is still alive at 99 years old and I'm sure he can rationalize it dozens of ways. Imagine if she went to his house tonight and, in a twist, dumped napalm on him. I bet he wouldn't be able think of one way to rationalize it.

...

Mr. Fish Dicks, the South Park puppet, was born on this day in 1977.

...

Joan Rivers' birthday, born in 1933. 

"Part of my act is to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough darling, life is hard, and we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going straight down the tubes."

...

Thomas Paine left us on this day in 1809. We would do fine if we scrapped the Constitution and ran the country entirely on his quotes. (Isn't that similar to how the Native Americans did it?)

"The World is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion."

...

The great Chiricahua Apache chief, Cochise, left us on this day in 1874. 

...

The great Satchel Paige left us on this day in 1982. I think of Satchel Paige every time I jangle on my limbs walking down a staircase.

How To Stay Young, by Satchel Paige

1. Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood.

2. If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.

3. Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.

4. Go very light on the vices, such as carrying on in society. The social ramble ain't restful.

5. Avoid running at all times.

6. Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.

Casey Stengel- "If the Yankees don't get ahead in the first six innings, the Browns bring in that damned old man, and we're sunk."

Bob Feller- "Paige was the best pitcher I ever saw."

Dizzy Dean- "If Satch and I were pitching on the same team, we would cinch the pennant by July fourth and go fishing until World Series time."

Ted Williams- "Satch was the greatest pitcher in baseball."

Joe DiMaggio- "After I got that hit off Satchel, I knew I was ready for the big leagues."

Satchel Paige- "I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I toss one that ain't never been seen by this generation."

Woody Allen named his son after him, but then it turned out he was actually Frank Sinatra's son, and he was given a Rosemary's Baby haircut and renamed Ronan. I like to imagine Satchel Paige in his 30's seeing the future and finding out that Frank Sinatra's son would initially be given the name Satchel by a nebbish Brooklyn Jewish comedian.

... 

On this day in 1989, the Pirates scored 10 on the Phillies in the first. They're broadcaster, Jim Rooker, said that if they lose he'll walk home. They lost 13 to 11! True to his word, in October he made the trek from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh on foot.

...

Anthony Bourdain left us on this day in 2018. "Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life—and travel—leaves marks on you."

More quotes in the addendum.

... 

Other notable birthdays- Frank Lloyd Wright (1867), Francis Crick (1916), Barbara Bush (1925), Jerry Stiller (1927)

...

Other notable deathdays- Andrew Jackson (1845), George Sand (1876)

...

This list might have convinced me that road trip movies are my favorite sub-genre. Haven't seen 11 of these.

http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20483133_20235493_906346,00.html

June 8, 2011

But the link is broken and it's not easily googleable! What were those films???

...

The worst thing about Trump is that he makes me agree with Karl Rove.

"(Trump) lacks the focus or self-discipline to do the basic work required of a president. His chronic impulsiveness is apparently unstoppable and clearly self-defeating."

June 8, 2017

Did he vote for Biden in 2020? I wonder.

...

That stodgy old stick in the mud, Chuck Schumer, with a zinger:

This is an historic night!

@realDonaldTrump has announced that he has cut a deal to “greatly reduce, or eliminate, Illegal Immigration coming from Mexico and into the United States.”

Now that that problem is solved, I’m sure we won’t be hearing any more about it in the future.

June 8, 2019

*Postscript, imagine that you're trump, and imagine people landing these zingers day and night for years. When you jump out the window?

...

Rabelais: “For all your ills I give you laughter.” 

...

You'll never guess who else died on this day- Islam's Mohammad. Nobody knows how old he was.

Satchel Paige again- "Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter."

...

The terrible Pat Roberson died today at the age of 93. In his honor:

Professor Brothers- Bible History (Sodom and Gomorrah)

https://youtu.be/bar3GOzDNzg

...

Zuzu noticed this one.

...

Jung- "The gods have become our diseases."

...

Dylan:

While them that defend what they cannot see

With a killer’s pride, security

It blows the minds most bitterly

For them that think death’s honesty

Won’t fall upon them naturally

Life sometimes must get lonely

...

Albert Einstein- "A perfection of means, and confusion of aims, seems to be our main problem."

...

Larry McMurtry, The Last Picture Show:

Is growin' up always miserable?" Sonny asked. "Nobody seems to enjoy it much."

"Oh, it ain't necessarily misearble," Sam replied. "About eighty percent of the time, I guess."

They were silent again, Sam the Lion thinking of the lovely, spritely girl he had once led into the water, right there, where they were sitting.

"We ought to go to a real fishin' tank next year," Sam said finally. "It don't do to think about things like that too much. If she were here now I'd probably be crazy again in about five minutes. Ain't that ridiculous?"

A half-hour later, when they had gathered up the gear and were on the way to town, he answered his own question. "It ain't really, " he said. "Being crazy about a woman like her's always the right thing to do. Being a decrepit old bag of bones is what's ridiculous.

...

Paine again, "My own mind is my church."

Addendum 

Anthony Bourdain- “I hated brunch. No matter how badly I screwed up in my life or how unemployable I was, I could always get a job as a brunch cook because nobody wants to do brunch. Few people are good at it. I would find myself cooking these massive brunches on weekends, often for cash off the books, often under another name. So for me the smell of eggs cooking and French toast and home fries in the oven was always the smell of shame and defeat and humiliation."

...

Anthony Bourdain- "When a job applicant starts telling me how Pacific Rim-job cuisine turns him on and inspires him, I see trouble coming. Send me another Mexican dishwasher anytime. I can teach him to cook. I can't teach character. Show up at work on time six months in a row and we'll talk about red curry paste and lemon grass. Until then, I have four words for you: 'Shut the fuck up."

...

Anthony Bourdain- "Assume the worst. About everybody. But don't let this poisoned outlook affect your job performance. Let it all roll off your back. Ignore it. Be amused by what you see and suspect. Just because someone you work with is a miserable, treacherous, self-serving, capricious and corrupt assh*le shouldn't prevent you from enjoying their company, working with them or finding them entertaining."