Richard Lewis Is Not Dead Yet, and Other Miscellany

Finding lists like this on the floor of the grocery store is a true joy. 

T.P.

CUCUBER

RAISEN BREAD

WATER MELLON

At least they spelled T.P. correctly. Sounds like a fun party. 

I called that number and it was for one of those help-I've-fallen-and-I-can't-get-up buttons. I told her I had the wrong number but she wouldn't let up her sales pitch until I hung up. I'm sure they'll be calling back, so the joke is on me.

June 29, 2024

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Walnuts are very healthy. Studies of blue zones show that people who eat 15-30 walnuts a day live several extra years on average. I did the math and it came out to 5 extra minutes of life on average per walnut. Now here's the problem- when Gretel just went out to the kitchen, I stole a walnut off her lunch plate. I just stole 5 minutes of life from my own daughter, like some monster! When I realized, I told her she better go out the the kitchen and get an extra walnut.

June 29, 2024

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The Dalai Lama said that if his successor is a woman she should be attractive. It's caused a big uproar but I don't see the big deal. Asking for her to be as least as attracted as him isn't asking for very much at all.

June 29, 2019

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Sometimes I like to imagine hair-brained political scenarios. Collins and Murkowski switch to Democrat and McConnell is no longer majority leader. It doesn't matter what party was elected, it only matters how those who are elected align themselves. Impossible, right?

June 29, 2018

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Maxine Waters says that Trump officials should be confronted in public, following their policy of separating children (including babies and toddlers) from the parents... and within an hour of a shooting at a newspaper, Hannity says that she has blood on her hands. Has he been following Trump's rallies? Because he's been saying that the press is the enemy of the people for like 2 years now. My suspicion is that this is either Trump's fault or a malfunctioning brain. And they might not be mutually exclusive possibilities.

June 29, 2018

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Joseph Campbell, Myths to Live By:

Significant images render insights beyond speech, beyond the kinds of meaning speech defines. And if they do not speak to you, that is because you are not ready for them, and words will only serve to make you think you have understood, thus cutting you off altogether. You don’t ask what a dance means, you enjoy it. You don’t ask what the world means, you enjoy it. You don’t ask what you mean, you enjoy yourself; or at least, so you do when you are up to snuff.

"But to enjoy the world requires something more than mere good health and good spirits; for this world, as we all now surely know, is horrendous. 'All life,' said the Buddha, 'is sorrowful'; and so, indeed, it is. Life consuming life: that is the essence of its being, which is forever a becoming. 'The world,' said the Buddha, 'is an ever-burning fire.' And so it is. And that is what one has to affirm, with a yea! a dance! a knowing, solemn, stately dance of the mystic bliss beyond pain that is at the heart of every mythic rite.

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Took my cat to the vet cause she was having trouble peeing. No trouble pooping though- she did that in the cat carrier on the way home.

June 29, 2011

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George Carlin:

That's all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That's all your house is - a place to keep your stuff. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't need a house. You could just walk around all the time. A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it. You can see that when you're taking off in an airplane. You look down, you see everybody's got a little pile of stuff. All the little piles of stuff. And when you leave your house, you gotta lock it up. Wouldn't want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take the good stuff. They never bother with that crap you're saving. All they want is the shiny stuff. That's what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get... more stuff! Sometimes you gotta move, gotta get a bigger house. Why? No room for your stuff anymore. Did you ever notice when you go to somebody else's house, you never quite feel a hundred percent at home? You know why? No room for your stuff. Somebody else's stuff is all over the place!

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On this day in 1864, 99 or more people, were killed in Canada's worst railway disaster after a train failed to stop for an open drawbridge and plunged into the Rivière Richelieu near St-Hilaire, Quebec. Nightmare stuff.

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The first Miss Universe pageant was held on this day in 1952, prompting out price of discrimination from untold aliens.

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The Federal Aid Highway Act was signed by Dwight D. Eisenhower, officially creating the United States Interstate Highway System, and spelling the end for Route 66.

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Corey Allen was born on this day in 1934. He was also given the worst line in Rebel Without a Cause:

Crunch- "Let's split."

Buzz- "Split? Split for what, a couple of old poopheads?”

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James Dean's favorite book was The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery, who was born on this day in 1900.

Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

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Stokely Carmichael was born on this day in 1941.

"There is a higher law than the law of government. That's the law of conscience."

Good quote. The problem with it is that anyone can use it to justify anything.

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Richard Lewis was born on this day in 1947.

"First class mail sucks. What is third class mail? They must strap a letter on the back of a mental patient and he wanders aimlessly."

The look he gives Larry on Curb Your Enthusiasm (S11E7) when Larry asks, "When are you going to die? Would you please die?" Perfect. Those two are good friends.

https://youtu.be/i2eXVkEFg7o

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Baseball player Pedro Guerrero was born on this day in 1956. He had this to say about the press.

"Sometimes they print what I say, not what I mean."

And I love this story I picked up from somewhere:

Los Angeles third baseman Pedro Guerrero committed several hard-to-believe fielding errors during one game. This was during the same time that Dodgers' second baseman Steve Sax was undergoing his horrendous and well-publicized fielding slump in which he couldn't throw the most routine ball to first without trouble.

In the post-game meeting, Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda was at a loss with Guerrero. "What are you thinking out there," Lasorda asked.

"Two things," Guerrero said.

"What's the first thing?"

"God, don't let them hit the ball to me."

"And what's the other thing," Lasorda said.

"Don't let them hit the ball to Sax."

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Elizabeth Barrett Browning died on this day in 1861.

"You're something between a dream and a miracle."

Oh god, puke!

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T.H. Huxley left us on this day in 1895. 

"Sit down before fact as a little child, be prepared to give up every preconceived notion, follow humbly wherever and to whatever abysses nature leads, or you shall learn nothing. I have only begun to learn content and peace of mind since I have resolved at all risks to do this."

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Carl Reiner left us on this day in 2020 at 98 years old. He told a story to Conan O'Brien about George Burns.

Carl- "I would always see George out with a beautiful young girl on each arm. George was 80 at the time and I was 60, and I asked him what I had to look forward to sexually. George said, "Did you ever try to stuff an oyster into a slot machine?""

Conan's audience had no idea what to do. 

Conan just put his head down, then said, "What a lovely anecdote."

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Other notable birthdays- Nelson Eddy (1901), Slim Pickens (1919), Melora Hardin (1967)

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Other notable deathdays- Jayne Mansfield (1967), Lana Turner (1995), Rosemary Clooney (2002), Katharine Hepburn (2003)

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On this day in 2006, The Supreme Court ruled in Hamdan V Rumsfeld that President George W. Bush's plan to try Guantanamo Bay detainees in military tribunals violated U.S. and international law. Fifteen years later to the day, Rumsfeld died to no fanfare.

Zizek:

In March 2003, Rumsfeld engaged in a little bit of amateur philosophizing about the relationship between the known and the unknown: ​“There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don’t know we don’t know.” What he forgot to add was the crucial fourth term: the ​“unknown knowns,” the things we don’t know that we know — which is precisely, the Freudian unconscious, the ​“knowledge which doesn’t know itself,” as Lacan used to say.

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CNN, June 29, 2020- Intelligence on Russian bounty plot was included in the President's Daily Brief earlier this year, source says

https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/29/politics/russia-bounties-presidential-daily-briefing/index.html

Well this is getting interesting. I can hear it now:

"Fake news CNN!"

"Well the president doesn't read or listen, so what can you expect? He was elected to just spout off!"

"But her emails. No, not Ivanka's. Hillary's!"

"Some people say one thing, and other people say other things, so what is truth really?"

"Biden said 120 MILLION died from Covid-19, but it is 120 THOUSAND, hahaha, get it? He's OLD!"

"So what! But did you hear that Obama committed... TREASON!"

"Perhaps God himself miracled Trump into the presidency because he WANTED Russians to pay the Taliban to kill American soldiers, did you ever think about that???"

Trump must have known that this was about to come out for days... it would explain why he looked absolutely defeated after that helicopter ride back from Tulsa. And it could explain why he's ratcheted up his garbage to a whole new degree. You want to know another weird thing... rumors that Trump is going to drop out, coupled with the fact that Pence canceled some campaign events due to heightened virus risk... seems like he's found a smidgen some guts somehow. I haven't thought this for a long time, and I was always wrong before, but I think something monumental will happen the next month.

June 29, 2020

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George Washington died in 1799 but the first dinosaur bone was discovered in 1824. He never knew dinosaurs existed!

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The Gettysburg Reunion began on this day in 1913, commemorating the 50th anniversary. About 53,000 former soldiers attended, including almost 9,000 Confederates. There was worry that there could still be some bad blood, but the reunion was entirely peaceful. Woodrow Wilson captured the spirit of the event:

"We have found one another again as brothers and comrades in arms, enemies no longer, generous friends rather, our battles long past, the quarrel forgotten—except that we shall not forget the splendid valor."

At the culmination they reenacted Pickett's Charge and met each other with handshakes.

(Maybe we could take a lesson in for just one day all be Repuglibtardlicraps.)

This is one of my favorite pictures of American history. I'd wager that there's nothing that we can proud of as Americans that we can't first be proud of as humans. Any thoughts of nationalism should be filtered through a humanist lens.

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Albert Einstein, The World As I See It - Nationalism is an infantile disease. It's the measles of mankind.

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"Live your life the Sonny Barger way? I don't recommend it." -Sonny Barger

Sonny Barger died today. He unified all of the scattered Hell's Angels clubs and served as the main character of Hunter S. Thompson's Hell's Angels, who described him as the only competent one of the bunch. I often think about that book, and know that whatever goes wrong with my life, at least I'll never have to go through a Hell's Angels initiation.

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From Woody Allen's Broadway Danny Rose:

Danny Rose- You know what my philosophy of life is? That it's important to have some laughs, no question about it, but you gotta suffer a little too because, otherwise you miss the whole point to life."

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Lota Cheek photographed in 1923. Yes, that's her real name. Very little is known about her.

https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/204469268/lota-b-cheek

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I haven't driven through many rural areas recently, but I'll bet there are a lot fewer Trump/Pence signs these days. It seems like over the last week or so, two camps have emerged- those still 100% loyal to Trump, and those who don't believe Pence should have been murdered for refusing to single-handedly overturn the election.

June 29, 2023

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I took some high fashion pics of Zuzu tonight.   

June 29, 2022

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Ernest Hemingway, Across the River and into the Trees- "When people talk listen completely. Don’t be thinking what you’re going to say. Most people never listen. Nor do they observe. You should be able to go into a room and when you come out know everything that you saw there and not only that. If that room gave you any feeling you should know exactly what it was that gave you that feeling."

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Christopher Hitchens- "Faith is the surrender of the mind."

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Pythagoras- "No man is free who cannot control himself."

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Albert Camus, Notebooks, 1935-1951- "You will never be able to experience everything. So, please, do poetical justice to your soul and simply experience yourself."

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Jean-Jacques Rousseau- "I prefer liberty with danger than peace with slavery."

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Albert Einstein- "What really interests me is whether God had any choice in the creation of the World."

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Salman Rushdie- "Books choose their authors; the act of creation is not entirely a rational and conscious one."

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Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary- "Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based."

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Steve Hofstetter responded to a heckler- "You're so drunk I hope you drive home."

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Sartre- "What is life but an unpleasant interruption to a peaceful nonexistence."

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Jung- "The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it."

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Ricky Gervais- “I like a drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man is Mel Gibson.”

Addendum

Myspace Blog

June 29, 2007

Brother’s Inhumanity to Brother

In Rest Area 11 in Lackawanna County, a lady said to her very young son, "No, you have to wait for brother." After a minute, "Now stop it, we must wait for brother." Then again, "Brother will be done in a minute, just wait."

With exceptions for "mom" and "dad", the use of roles rather than names when referring to someone drives me nuts. "What do you want me to do next boss?" "I have to ask my husband." "Teacher, I think I deserved an A." I suppose "my girlfriend" and "my boyfriend" are OK too… you know, since I use them all the time.

So anyway, this lady irritated the hell out of me.

A man walked out of the restroom and she asked him with worry if there was a little boy in there. He said yeah and left. I dropped my annoyance and told her I'd go check on him if she wanted. She accepted. I was going to check on brother.

I walked in and there was a little boy in there all right- hacked to bits and stacked in neat piles. No, I kid. He was there smiling at me, smiling and pointing to a moth fluttering its wings on the ground. The kid raised his foot high and began bringing it down to smash the moth to smithereens. Was this the first time in history that a pajama footie reminded someone of a Nazi boot?

There was no time for me to tackle him. I just yelled, "Nooooo!!!" Miraculously, he stopped. I couldn't believe it. I picked up the moth, exited, told the lady that brother was drying his hands, walked outside and released the moth.

In the hours since, I've heard people refer to me as "The Moth Schindler." I want to state publicly that I don't accept that name and won't respond to it. Besides, it's a little-known fact that the real Schindler, besides saving hundreds of Jews, saved a few dozen moths throughout his illustrious life. I humbly admit I don't compare.

Brother's actions remind me of a dishonorable event in my past. I was several years older, perhaps 6 or 7. I was walking down the sidewalk when I happened upon an ant nest, crawling with thousands of the little guys. I stepped on it and then marveled that my footprint remained in dead and dying ant bodies. I looked closely. It was horrible- thousands of bodies wriggling and writhing, the dead mashed together, friends trying in vain to save friends. I couldn't believe the horror I caused- perhaps the equivalent population of New Holland wiped out, as if by some sort of evil God.I think I changed at that moment. I became empathetic.

Several questions are raised by this:

1. Does brother's actions illustrate humankind's natural propensity for evil?

2. Do my actions reflect humankind's ability to recognize our natural propensity for evil and turn it to good (or at least not evil)?

3. Did I teach brother that it is wrong to kill and cause suffering?

4. Is it possible to teach the world that it's wrong to kill and cause suffering?

5. Should I reconsider and accept the title of "The Moth Schindler"?

As always:

- Thoughtful comments are encouraged.

- Funny comments are accepted.

- Thoughtful, funny comments are highly encouraged.

- Really funny comments are encouraged the most, regardless of the thought put into them.

- The word before it is spoken, you are the master of… once spoken, it is master of you. (i.e. silence is golden.)