Lemon Keiffer, and Other Delicious Drinks

Stephen Wright- "The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, "Where the hell is my roof?"

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My heart is racing. This Nadal/Djokovic French Open quarterfinal match is beyond words.

May 31, 2022

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Fox News is calling for Trump to address the nation, in an effort calm things down. 

Trump??? They think that's something Trump can do? Have they ever met Trump? They think one of Trump's abilities is to soothe the nation? Maybe somebody could write him a nice speech, but he'll deliver the conciliatory parts in a monotone drone, and he'll read the angry parts that he insisted on all fiery. How about this instead- Pence or Biden? I mean they MIGHT both suck, but they're not going to make things WORSE!

May 31, 2020

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16 Cognitive Distortions, Positive Psychology, by Courtney Ackerman

10. Labeling and Mislabeling

These tendencies are basically extreme forms of overgeneralization, in which we assign judgments of value to ourselves or to others based on one instance or experience.

For example, a student who labels herself as “an utter fool” for failing an assignment is engaging in this distortion, as is the waiter who labels a customer “a grumpy old miser” if he fails to thank the waiter for bringing his food. Mislabeling refers to the application of highly emotional, loaded, and inaccurate or unreasonable language when labeling.

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Joe Namath was born on this day in 1943. Fashion icon. That white fur coat he wore of the sidelines- world-class!

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My first cousin five times removed is also a nice drink.

https://myculturedlife.com/recipes/lemon-kefir/

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Ingenuity on display at the grocery store. Quote of the night, "If I poop in the potty, I get some ice cream." (She said it, not me.)

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid03crUSD5DZ3TSEVA8zqBdWENzRrEFBAHcwfy82jCeMPur7Cxa7XDX3otCaRnFYZeql&id=741063511&mibextid=irwG9G

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Walking Pepper, showing off her watermelon dress. 

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You should have heard the ladies gasping today at the grocery store. This little cutie makes it hard for me to glide through unnoticed like I prefer.

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Walt Whitman was born on this day in 1819, the sweaty-toothed madman, sounding his barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.

"Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul."

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Gretel- Zuzu, do you know everything? What does Y-E-S spell?

Zuzu- No.

Gretel- How do you make sparkles?

Zuzu- I don't know.

Gretel- Someone found some small shiny things, then went to the store and bought glue, found more shiny things and mixed it up.

Me- Ask her another question.

Gretel- Where did the first dinosaur come from?

Zuzu (in a professorial tone with one finger raised)- It hatched from an egg.

May 31, 2019

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Some miniscule little baby over at the playground just climbed up the chain ladder unassisted. Gretel saw, and laughed, and said, "When I was that little my favorite thing to do was poke sticks in the ground." Ahhh, stick-poking days.

May 31, 2019

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Norm MacDonald, perhaps my favorite stand up comedian. I think I laughed out loud at 75% of his jokes on the new Netflix special. I mean actually laughed out loud. Can't wait for Sarah Silverman's.

May 31, 2017

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Spicer says that "covfefe" was intentional and its meaning is only known to a small group. Well I guess I'm among that group! It means he made a simple mistake, he refuses to admit his infallibility, he trots Spicer out to spread his bullshit, bullshit doesn't matter, what matters is that he didn't admit a mistake like that loser Kathy Griffin. Complicated definition, but obvious!

May 31, 2017

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Sam Harris called Timothy Snyder's book, On Treason, "so lapidary and aphoristic that I hope people will read it." Thanks, I will! That's a hell of a suggestion from the guy who wrote the most lapidary and aphoristic book I've ever read, Letter to a Christian Nation.

May 31, 2017

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Whitman- "God is a mean-spirited, pugnacious bully bent on revenge against His children for failing to live up to his impossible standards."

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Gretel woke me up in the middle of the night last night... said she had a nightmare about a puppy. A big puppy. Absurd right? Of course. But she's saving her money to buy a toy puppy and just got paid for the first time for doing chores... and she needs to do a lot more chores. Perhaps the task seems daunting. A big puppy indeed! The dawn of symbolic thought.

May 31, 2016

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On this day in 1921- the Tulsa race massacre. A white mob killed up to 300 African Americans.

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Karl Wallenda walked a tightrope over the Veterans Stadium field on this day in 1976. He died years later after... falling from a tightrope.

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A record 2.6 mile wide tornado struck El Reno, Oklahoma on this day in 2013, causing eight fatalities and over 150 injuries.

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Clint Eastwood:

Partner: “How old are you, Clint?”

Clint Eastwood: “I turn 91 on Monday.”

Partner: “What are you going to do?”

Clint Eastwood: “I am going to start a new movie.”

Partner: “What keeps you going?”

Clint Eastwood: “I get up every day and don’t let the old man in.”

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Norman Vincent Peale joined us on this day in 1898. The power of positive thinking- if you believe something will happen, you make it true. You will it to happen. Trump and his family went to a Manhattan church when he was young, where Peale was the head pastor. Trump did somehow will himself to be president, but he missed something important. You cannot will lies to become truths, and his mistake has led to a degradation of the country and death.

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Rainer Werner Fassbinder was born on this day in 1945. He was conceived in Nazi Germany and born in post-war Germany. 

"I detest the idea that love between two persons can lead to salvation. All my life I have fought against this oppressive type of relationship. Instead, I believe in searching for a kind of love that somehow involves all of humanity."

Perhaps it would have led to his salvation. He died at 37 due to an overdose of cocaine and barbiturates with a cigarette hanging out his mouth.

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Susie Essman was born on this day in 1955.

"Get the fuck out you bald-headed fuck and you fat fuck."

Hey, those are two groups!

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I shaved my head and face last night. Some of the day at work said that I looked "extra bald." I followed Larry David's lead, saying that we're a group, and there's nothing wrong with being bald! She said something about it not being bad to be bald as long as you shave your head. I said there's nothing wrong with it anyway, we're a group and we consider that hate speech. Haha.

May 31, 2023

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If everyone had their own Larry David

https://youtu.be/tNOKXlv8-bY

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Chris Elliott was born on this day in 1960. I loved him on David Letterman. American actor, comedian, and screenwriter

"That's what keeps me up at three in the morning: Who's looking at reviews of Cabin Boy right now?"

This is from The Washington Post review:

"But Cabin Boy,which opened here yesterday, contains about enough laugh-out-loud sight gags and non sequiturs to justify what it demands of a viewer's time and money."

That's nothing to lose sleep over!

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William Castle died on this day in 1977, although it might have just been a gimmick to fill more seats at his funeral.

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Timothy Leary left us on this day in 1996. From Turn on, Tune in, Drop Out:

Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”

"Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others."

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Millvina Dean, the last living survivor of the Titanic, died in her sleep on this day in 2009 at the age of 97 in a nursing home near Southampton, England.

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Whitman, one more time:

O Me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring;

Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;

Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)

Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;

Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;

Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;

The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.

That you are here—that life exists, and identity;

That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.

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The Onion- Michele Bachmann Figures Why Not, Introduces Homosexual-Beheading Bill

http://www.theonion.com/articles/michele-bachmann-figures-why-not-introduces-homose,32641/

May 31, 2013

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Huffington Post- Carl Sagan, Marijuana Advocate, Explains What It's Like To Be High While Carl Sagan

"I had an idea on the origins and invalidities of racism in terms of gaussian distribution curves."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/31/carl-sagan-marijuana_n_3367112.html

May 31, 2013

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Wow, 20 senses... right, of course balance, hunger, thirst, pain, etc are senses.

http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/visualizations/common-mythconceptions-worlds-most-contagious-falsehoods/

May 31, 2015

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Cracked- 6 Intimate Details You Can Tell Just By Looking At Someone

6. Is She Interested In You? Look at Her Feet.

5. You Can Tell if a Woman Has Had an Orgasm by How She Walks

4. You Can Tell Their Political Views by Their Eyes

3. You Can Tell Someone's Sexuality by Their Hands and Hair (Usually)

2. You Can Tell How Much They Can Drink by Their Eye Color

1. You Can Spot a Rich Person by How Distracted They Are During Conversations

http://www.cracked.com/article_19194_6-intimate-details-you-can-tell-just-by-looking-at-someone.html

May 31, 2015

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Mother Jones- Exxon’s Shareholders Just Forced the Oil Giant’s Hand on Climate Change

Ray of hope, somehow Exxon SHAREHOLDERS voted 62% to force the company release more info on what they are doing to combat global warming.

http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2017/05/exxons-investors-climate-change-reporting

May 31, 2017

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McSweeney's- WALT WHITMAN RIDES THE STEAMIN’ DEMON ROLLERCOASTER AT SIX FLAGS

by MAX COHN

"O shit! Holy shit! I was not expecting that loop de loop. Woah!

Anyways. Still joined are we, in this melded wagon of thrill,

As action-seekers and comrades who—

What the fuck was that? That turn was most unnatural and jerky. I suppose that last maneuver was tailored for the most crazed thrill junkies aboard.

Swift sweeping clusters of revelation! Plunging into pockets of the earth’s belly, and

Shooting up into the blue and white woven infinity of the sky! How I—

Fuck ME!"

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/walt-whitman-rides-the-steamin-demon-rollercoaster-at-six-flags

May 31, 2019

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News and Guts- Michael Flynn Believes A Coup ‘Should Happen’ In U.S.

https://www.newsandguts.com/michael-flynn-believes-a-coup-should-happen-in-u-s/

With a national security adviser like this, who would need any other enemies?

May 31, 2021

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Albert Einstein- "If I could do it all again, I'd be a plumber."

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Bertrand Russell- “A prudent man imbued with the scientific spirit will not claim that his present beliefs are wholly true, though he may console himself with the thought that his earlier beliefs were perhaps not wholly false. I should regard an unchanging system of philosophical doctrines as proof of intellectual stagnation. Philosophical progress seems to me analogous to the gradually increasing clarity of outline of a mountain approached through mist, which is vaguely visible at first, but even at last remains in some degree indistinct.“

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Henry Miller, Sexus- "The great ones do not set up offices, charge fees, give lectures, or write books. Wisdom is silent, and the most effective propaganda for truth is the force of personal example. The great ones attract disciples, lesser figures whose mission is to preach and to teach. These are gospelers who, unequal to the highest task, spend their lives in converting others. The great ones are indifferent, in the profoundest sense. They don’t ask you to believe: they electrify you by their behavior. They are the awakeners. What you do with your petty life is of no concern to them. What you do with your life is only of concern to you, they seem to say. In short, their only purpose here on earth is to inspire. And what more can one ask of a human being than that?

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Seneca- "Death is not in a distant future. We are dying everyday."

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Dylan:

While preachers preach of evil fates

Teachers teach that knowledge waits

Can lead to hundred-dollar plates

Goodness hides behind its gates

But even the president of the United States

Sometimes must have to stand naked

An’ though the rules of the road have been lodged

It’s only people’s games that you got to dodge

And it’s alright, Ma, I can make it

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There was a young man from Aberdeen 

Who invented a jerking machine. 

On the 25th stroke 

That God damn thing broke 

And beat his balls to a cream.

Addendum

The Museum of Bad Art

I found a great site, The Museum of Bad Art:

http://www.museumofbadart.org/collection/index.php

Here's how they describe themselves:

"The pieces in the MOBA collection range from the work of talented artists that have gone awry to works of exuberant, although crude, execution by artists barely in control of the brush. What they all have in common is a special quality that sets them apart in one way or another from the merely incompetent."

And guess what- they have a contest! It ends tonight so you don't have much time. You have the opportunity to be an "Official MOBA Guest Interpreter." 

Here's the painting you must interpret:

Here's my submission:

Beyond Bergman
by Unknown


Obviously derivative of Ingmar Bergman's Seventh Seal, the real creation of this work comes from Unknown's sheer courage in having the Dark One's scythe seemingly rest against the frame of the painting. To my knowledge this has never been seen before in a museum piece. On the surface it's a nihilistic work, telling us "Yes, you think you see Good and Bad fighting a metaphoric battle on the chess board, but it's really just a painting. There's no way this could be happening." Everything about it dares our indifference- the three impossible stumps, somehow a foot apart from each other with no other stumps in sight, the 45 degree cloud cover, Unknown's apparent laziness of not even attempting to paint faces. Walking away would be so easy, but somehow we can't. There must be more to it, right? How can we spend so much time looking at a painting, painted by someone who obviously cares so little about us??? And in that thought we discover the human condition- "How can we live in a world that doesn't care about us?" Unknown's intent has come to fruition. It forces us to ask ourselves "why are we here?" and is one of the few works that offer a definitive answer- "No reason, so let's go over there." A brave work.

Oldsy, this competition was made for you! You have 5 hours.

But seriously, that site must be checked out… and not in haste. I think you'll agree that it was worth it.