Krup Off, Veggie Chunks, Jingoism, Nightmare Scenarios, Steamed Hams, and More

From the ridiculous Immunity Case, aka The Supreme Court Deciding Whether Or Not We Actually Have A King But Didn't Realize It All Along Case:

Justice Sotomayor: If the president decides that his rival is a corrupt person and he orders the military to assassinate him, is that within his official acts to which he has immunity?"

Trump Attorney: That could well be an official act.  

So I guess this genius Trump is having his lawyers argue that this same privilege applies to the current president, if in the event he'd decide that his rival is a corrupt person. Hmmm. When you argue absurdities, you end up with greater absurdities.

April 25, 2024

Björn Kristian Ulvaeus from ABBA was born on this day in 1945. May they all live forever.

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A White Buffalo was born on this day in 2024, in Kansas. That's the most sacred thing that can happen to the Lakota. There's a one in 10 million chance of it happening. You can imagine the Lakota living on the plains, maybe seeing 100,000 buffalo in their life. Perhaps a million? They would see a million buffalo in their life, only one in 10 generations would see a white buffalo. It means better things are on the way. 

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Veggie Chunks

Cleaning out my car, I found this written on a piece of paper in my handwriting: "Yes, those veggie chunks burnt away with your lost innocence that night, each sizzle and pop coming greater realization of how wicked and cruel the world can be." On the other side of the paper was a map printed out for me from my last job. I used to listen to a lot of audiobooks... but that wasn't in an audiobook I ever heard. The simplest explanation is usually the correct one, right? Well at this point the simplest explanation is this- THAT SENTENCE CAN NOT EXIST IN THIS WORLD! Seriously, what in the hell could that mean?

April 25, 2010

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Kierkegaard- "At any rate, I prize coffee."

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Interesting feedback to C-SPAN asking for advice for your party going into the 2022 election. One person said, "Elections are rigged, revolution is the path to victory." Seems like a fringe belief? There were about 95% positive responses to him. And this is C-SPAN, not some fringe site.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid02HUBVzXJNujdUgihigMwvcuR1kfwNz3H3pTNfDoBvheJrtVjNZZoYv7YLd2QjWMctl&id=21472760578&mibextid=Nif5oz

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So, Biden is running again. Here's my prediction, even though my predictions are often wrong:

He will beat Trump, because there are too many Liz Cheney-style Republicans. It's not a high percentage, but it's a significant enough percentage that he won't win.

Here's another prediction:

If the Republicans run anybody else, they will win easily. 

We should do our elections differently. I don't think anybody wants it to be Biden versus Trump again. We should do elections like they do jury duty. The opposition can choose five people for the other side to exclude. Make it 100 if you like. That would be a big improvement!

April 25, 2023

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An employee told me about an experience she had down in Tennessee last week. She said she got caught up in this trucker convoy. She was nervous that her husband might end up hitting one of them because they were driving really close to him. She said she didn't want to be discriminatory, but they had Confederate flags on their trucks and her husband was black. I told her that it's perfectly fine at times to discriminate! I will always discriminate against people who have Confederate flags, and if they want they want to discriminate against me, perfectly fine!

April 25, 2023

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If Steven Spielberg's West Side Story has a subpar rendition of Office Krupke, it can Krup off.

April 25, 2021

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One of my 128 sixth great-grandfathers, Abraham Obertholtzer, died somehow on February 4, 1835 when he took his team of horses to Philadelphia to deliver his flour. I knew that my ancestors back then were all farmers, but I don't know why it hasn't dawned on me until now that they almost certainly spent a lot of time taking their crops to cities. Perhaps not-so-coincidentally, nearly 200 years later that is what I spend much of my life arranging... having Lancaster crops delivered to the nearest cities.

April 25, 2021

Pic in addendum 

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Trump's good brain made its inject-disinfectant-to-clean-the-lungs comment on Thursday and on Friday there was a hilarious window where some of his True Believers were defending him, but hadn't yet heard his I-was-just-being-sarcastic excuse, the excuse that all very stable geniuses make all the time.

So their take on it was to defend him while they thought he was serious (which he quite obviously was), and laugh it off once he said he was kidding. 

Anyone who who had both inclinations should look deep into their own mirror and reflect on the fact that they are allowing their own interpretation of the truth to be defined by an egomaniac's in-the-moment whims.

They should ask what they think of similar followers through history who saw their leader as incapable of error.

April 25, 2020

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"Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions." Edward R. Morrow, born on this day in 1908

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Ginger Rogers left us on this day in 1995. "You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything."

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Terrible start to the day today. Zuzu was waving goodbye to me from across the street. For some reason she started crying and started walking out onto the sidewalk like she was going to cross the street to come over to me, but she couldn't see there were cars coming that would hit her! Emma came out the front door just then and I started screaming for her to get Zuzu, but I have laryngitis and no sound was coming out of my mouth! All I could do was just wave my arms. It was like a nightmare unfolding in front of me. I was past the point that I could have run across before she came out into the street, and since I started my car the door locked and I was fumbling to get it open. All I could do was wait to see what would happen. Emma got her, tragedy avoided. After the fact it's almost pleasant reflecting on nightmare scenarios that didn't end up happening, puts everything else in perspective. There should be a word for that.

April 25, 2019

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This morning Gretel asked me if she could come to work with me sometime. Crossed my mind a couple times throughout the day. I just decided to look up when take-your-daughter-to-work-day is. Guess what, it was today!

Not a cosmic coincidence, just a 1 in 365. We forget the 364 other times things don't match.

April 25, 2019

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Sign at a protest- Vaccines Cause Adults

April 25, 2017

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"I've never been in style, so I can't go out of style." -Lillian Gish

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An old man at the gas station was looking in my car waving at Gretel who was waving back. He was wearing pajama bottoms and slippers, so I'm already thinking he is me from the future. He asked if she's a girl and then said he had four girls. He said it was great until they all started marrying people they barely knew. Then they started making, "xeroxes of themselves, which I had to feed." Looking at Gretel though, he was remembering the good times. So what was the lesson from this Future Ben? I don't know, but I hope it has nothing to do with wearing pajamas and slippers in public...

April 25, 2015

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Favorite pastime- poking things with sticks.

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Emma just pointed out that we have a little valley girl... Gretel just gagged herself with a spoon.

April 25, 2014

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Dirty Jokes from Classic American Literature- Volume 1, Grapes of Wrath

“Minds me of a story they tell about Willy Feeley when he was a young fella. Willy was bashful, awful bashful. Well, one day he takes a heifer over to Graves' bull. Ever'body was out but Elsie Graves, and Elsie wasn't bashful at all. Willy, he stood there turnin' red an' he couldn't even talk. Elsie says, 'I know what you come for; the bull's out in back a the barn.' Well, they took the heifer out there an' Willy an' Elsie sat on the fence to watch. Purty soon Willy got feelin' purty fly. Elsie looks over an' says, like she don't know, 'What's a matter, Willy?' Willy's so randy, he can't hardly set still. 'By God,' he says, 'by God, I wisht I was a-doin' that!' Elsie says, 'Why not, Willy? It's your heifer.”

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An interesting thought... from a guy who's done quite a bit of thinking about fundamentalism.

Salman Rushdie- "Fundamentalism is never about religion. It's about power."

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Manhattan was released on this day in 1979.

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Oliver Cromwell was born on this day in 1599. From a letter:

"I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible you may be mistaken."

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Ella Fitzgerald was born on this day in 1917.

"I have been rich, and I have been poor. Believe me baby, rich is better!

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A few quotes from Al Pacino, born on this day in 1940.

"Vanity is my favourite sin."

"I'm so shy now I wear sunglasses everywhere I go."

I wonder how many years separated those two quotes. 

I bet he screamed a lot as a baby.

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Hank Azaria was born on this day in 1964. He's the voice of a lot more flashy or Simpsons characters, but this scene from 22 Short Films About Springfield. A perfect segment!

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, I made it, despite your directions.

Skinner: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!

Chalmers: Yeah.

[Skinner runs to the kitchen, only to find his roast is burnt and gasps in horror]

Skinner: Oh, egads! My roast is ruined! But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? [chuckles] Delightfully devilish, Seymour.

[He begins to climb through the window, but Chalmers enters the kitchen. The theme song to an imaginary show called "Skinner and the Superintendent" then plays]

Chalmers: SEEEEEYMOOUUURRR!!!

Skinner: Superintendent! I was just...uh---just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?

Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?

Skinner: Uh... ooh! That isn't smoke, it's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm, steamed clams!

[Once Chalmers leaves the kitchen, Skinner breathes a sigh of relief, climbs out the window, and runs across the street to Krusty Burger, where buys hamburgers and french fries to replace his burnt roast. He enters the dining room with the fast food on a silver tray.]

Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for some mouthwatering hamburgers.

Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Skinner: Oh no, I said 'steamed hams'. That's what I call hamburgers.

Chalmers: You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?

Skinner: Yes! It's a regional dialect.

Chalmers: Uh-huh. Eh, what region?

Skinner: Uh...upstate New York.

Chalmers: Really? Well I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'.

Skinner: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.

Chalmers: I see.

[Chalmers takes a bite out of a burger and chews it a little, while Skinner sips his drink.]

Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.

Skinner: Hohoho, no! Patented Skinner Burgers. Old family recipe!

Chalmers: For steamed hams?

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact they are obviously grilled.

Skinner: Y- Uh.. you know, the... One thing I should... excuse me for one second.

Chalmers: Of course.

[Skinner enters and leaves the kitchen swiftly upon seeing it is now on fire]

Skinner: [yawns] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Chalmers: Yes, I should be--good lord, what is happening in there?!

Skinner: Aurora Borealis?

Chalmers: Ah- Aurora Borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: ...May I see it?

Skinner: ...No.

[They exit the house as the kitchen fire grows larger.]

Agnes: Seymour! The house is on fire!

Skinner: No, mother, it's just the Northern Lights.

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... you steam a good ham.

[As Chalmers begins heading home, Agnes screams for help, causing Chalmers to look back towards the house. Skinner gives him a thumbs up and a fake smile, causing him to keep walking away. Once Chalmers is out of sight, Skinner rushes back into the house to deal with the fire.]

Agnes: Help! HELP!!!

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Jingoist Dinesh D'Souza was born on this day in 1962. He wrote a book on the virtues of American colonialism. He didn't seem to care too much about those who were colonized, whether they wanted to be colonized or not. Should a sovereign country retain its rights to its own self-determination? Not to him, might equals right to D'souza. He was convicted on a felony count of making campaign contributions under someone else's name. So you get the idea of the guy doesn't care too much about democracy.

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Edward R. Morrow again- "A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices."

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Anders Celsius was a Swedish astronomer who died on this day in 1744. He devised a way to measure... well, you know. Fun fact, -40C = -40F. Actually that's not so fun of a fact, it really irritates people. Try it out.

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Bea Arthur left us on this day in 2009. I heard a story of Rufus Wainwright spilling his guts to her... that he had trouble with his family, but watching The Golden Girls brought a feeling of security, and he knew that he was gay early on but found some solace in their episodes that were among the first to deal with it. She responded, "I'm not your FUCKING grandma!" Haha.

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Poly Styrene of the X-Ray Spex left us on this day in 2011. 

https://youtu.be/Ydyn0H5h6UA

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Harry Belafonte left us today. If you're the one who gets to bail Martin Luther King Jr. out of jail, you've done something right. 

From his New York Times obituary:

"At a time when segregation was still widespread and Black faces were still a rarity on screens large and small, Mr. Belafonte’s ascent to the upper echelon of show business was historic."

We are only able to take things like this for granted because we all stand on the shoulders of giants. A fully actualized life.

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Stanley Kubrick's NY Street Pictures

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Taste of Cinema- 12 Great Character Entrances And What They Can Teach You About Film Narrative

Oh my, not just a great list, one of the best articles I've read in recent memory. Do yourself a favor and read about Henry Fonda's entrance in Once Upon a Time in the West. How about this Billy Wilder quote about Norma Desmond's eyes: "two moonlit ponds, where strange animals come to drink at night.” That's a knockout.

http://www.tasteofcinema.com/2015/12-great-character-entrances-and-what-they-can-teach-you-about-film-narrative/

April 25, 2016

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Sam Harris- A Conversation With Caitlyn Flanagan

What do you do with a problem like Joe Biden? I don't know, but there's some insight starting at minute 37 if you're interested.

https://samharris.org/subscriber-extras/197-april-12-2020/

April 25, 2020

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People used to mail their children? I thought this was a ruse.

History- When People Used the Postal Service to ‘Mail’ Their Children

https://www.history.com/news/mailing-children-post-office

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/retropolis/wp/2017/05/24/mail-that-baby-a-brief-history-of-kids-sent-through-the-u-s-postal-service/

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Bobby- "You Sopranos, you go too far."

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Morrow again, in much more quaint times:

To be persuasive, We must be believable,

To be believable, We must be credible,

To be credible, We must be truthful.

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Sartre- "Every word has consequences. Every silence, too."

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Sam Harris- "Either God can do nothing to stop catastrophes like this, or he doesn't care to, or he doesn’t exist. God is either impotent, evil, or imaginary. Take your pick, and choose wisely."

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Einstein- "I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university."

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Muir's home address, as inscribed on the inside front cover of his first field journal:

John Muir, Earth — planet, Universe

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Christopher Hitchens- "A man once accused me of trying to assassinate his character. I said, “No, your character committed suicide a long time ago.”"

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Freud said that religion is, "so pathetically absurd and . . . infantile that it is humiliating and embarrassing to think that the majority of people will never rise above it."

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Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics- "Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives - choice, not chance, determines your destiny."

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John Waters- “The only insult I’ve ever received in my adult life was when someone asked me, ‘Do you have a hobby?’ A HOBBY?! DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING DABBLER?!”

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Roger Sterling insult- “I’d say go to hell, but I never want to see you again.” 

Addendum