God, People, Monkeys, and More

Kurt Vonnegut died on this day in 2007. He is up in heaven now. I could offer 50 quotes of his, but I'll offer my favorite.

"If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke."

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On this day in 2020, when Gretel was 6, during the Darwin section of Cosmos, she asked me, "If God is real, and he was the first person, would he look more like a person, or more like a monkey?" I told her she should think about it and figure it out for herself.

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Well I just pressed her on it, and she said that she thinks God would look more like a monkey. I asked her how she knows that God is real. She said, "I said IF God is real." Wow, I knew she said that the other night, but I didn't know that she understood what she did. She prefaced this whole thing as hypothetical and wasn't going to let me pigeonhole her into thinking the whole thing was true! 

She really impresses me every so often, and this is one of those times... really impresses me. 

She's not saying that God looks like a monkey. She's saying that IF God is real, and IF God is supposed to look like a person, and IF God was around before the first person in order to make the first person, and people evolved from monkeys like the fossil record shows, then God looks more like a monkey than us. She didn't verbalize it that way, but she thought through all those steps. Sophisticated argument for a six-year-old!

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Alex Bohm made errors in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd innings of tonight's Phillies game, then helped them come back and win. 

It could be worse. On this day in 1980, Darrell Evans made 3 errors in the 7th inning of a Giants loss to the Padres! The next night he only made two though.

April 11, 2022

Postscript- In an interview after the game, bone said that he, "hates the fucking city." It went viral, he said his emotions got the best of him, he took responsibility, he apologized, and he went on to help lead them to the World Series.

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If I'm allowed one wish, it's that the president doesn't start World War III. If I have a second wish, it's that Pence gets an opportunity to not start WWIII. Actually, make that my first wish.

April 11, 2018

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A Deposit for the Savings Account

Saturday, April 11, 2015 

I just had a nice time at the bank opening up a savings account for one-year-old Gretel.

The bank manager mentioned how calmly and quietly she was sitting in the chair and asked if she was always so well-behaved. I said that she usually was, but that she could erupt at any time. Nearly on cue she reached for me, sat on my lap, and puked all over the front of me.

The bank manager ran to get some paper towels and while she was gone Gretel must have become possessed by a demon. I don't know how to explain how much puke came out of her. It was like she was trying to imitate Pete Brady's science experiment volcano. It was like she was trying to start a Stand By Me-esque Barf-O-Rama. It was like I took the Baby Puke Bucket Challenge. It was epic. It was monumental. It was... is "magnificent" the correct word?

The bank manager returned with like 8 napkins. I was for some reason compelled to state the obvious- "the situation has become much worse." I guess that was my way of telling her she was going to have to get her nice office chairs pressure-washed. We mutually decided that it might be better if I came back later to finish creating the account.

Out at the car I took off my shirt, took off Gretel's pants, put her in the car seat... and I swear we shared a look of understanding and each started giggling.

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Former carnie, animal rights activist, actor, atheist and founder of the Church if Satan, Anton LaVey, was born on this day in 1930. His son Satan Xerxes is still a practicing member. If you can believe it, church members don't believe in God or the devil. They believe in indulgence. Their greatest sin- stupidity. Before LaVey, there wasn't one known practicing Satanist in history.

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Around 1637 mathematician Pierre de Fermat wrote in the margin of a book: "It is impossible to separate a cube into two cubes, or a fourth power into two fourth powers, or in general, any power higher than the second, into two like powers. I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain." About 350 years later, and thousands of attempts by others, Andrew Wiles solved it. He was born on this day in 1953.

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Vincent Gallo was born in 1961. To my knowledge he has one creation worth paying attention to- Buffalo '66. And what a creation! He famously called Roger Ebert a fat pig after he said he walked out of a screening of The Brown Bunny in Cannes, saying it was the worst film in the history of the festival. Ebert replied, "It's true that I'm fat, but one day I'll be thin, and he will always be the director of The Brown Bunny. Gallo re-edited it and Ebert gave it 3 stars, putting his profession above personal animosity. Ebert lost 86 pounds, died in 2013, and it's true, Gallo is indeed still the director of the Brown Bunny.

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On this day in 1945, US troops liberated Buchenwald Concentration Camp, freeing Elie Wiesel and others. His novel, Night, should be required reading. Dehumanize your fellow humans under no circumstances, even your enemies.

“We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”

And on this day, 16 years later Holocaust architect Adolf Eichmann was sentenced to death. He was executed by hanging the following year.

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Today's the anniversary of the Palm Sunday Tornado Outbreak of 1965: Fifty-one tornadoes touched down in six Midwestern states, killing 256 people. Strange decision to allow that, God! Why not just use a smigeon of your omnipotence??? Well you know what they say, God works in psychopathic ways.

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Apollo 13 was launched on this day in 1970. Perhaps a more miraculous flight than Apollo 11, more miraculous to miss the moon and land back on Earth.

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On the same day, Willie Mays and Bobby Bonds collided while going for a ball heading over the fence. Mays caught it but was knocked unconscious. Bonds held up Mays' glove to show the umpires.

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On this day in 1991, the last Automat closed.

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Joseph Merrick, the so-called Elephant Man, died on this day in 1890. "I sometimes think my head is so large because it is so full of dreams."

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Robin Williams's comedic godfather, Jonathan Winters died on this day in 2013. Man, that guy was hilarious. 

"My mother and father were very strange people. They tried to be funny which is always very sad to me."

Did I mention he didn't tell jokes? He did characters.

"Something I'll always remember - when I was a kid, I shook hands with Orville Wright. Forty years later, I shook hands with Neil Armstrong. The guy that invented the airplane and the guy that walked on the moon. In a lifetime, that's kinda wild when you think about it."

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British comedian Ian Cognito (if that was was his real name) died on stage on this day in 2019, and the audience thought he was joking.

A friend said it's how he would have wanted to go, but in a bigger venue for a lot more money. Proper send off for a comedian.

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Yahoo- 100 Movies to See Before You Die

I saw 96 of them. They didn't have- Clockwork Orange, The Shining, Rules of the Game, Grapes of Wrath, Fargo, Stagecoach, any Terence Malick, etc. But they did have... Battle of Algiers, Paths of Glory, and The World of Apu. And come on, do we really need to see- Animal House? Butch Cassidy? Saving Private Ryan? And what's up with Wild Strawberries but no Seventh Seal? Strange. Still, all told, nice job yahoo.

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/100-movies-to-see-before-you-die.html

April 11, 2009

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Independent- Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/why-a-lack-of-empathy-is-the-root-of-all-evil-2262371.html

April 11, 2011

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Alternet- Anti-vaxx mother leaves movement after all seven of her kids get whooping cough.

Whoops.

http://www.alternet.org/culture/anti-vaxx-mother-leaves-movement-after-all-7-her-kids-get-whooping-cough

April 11, 2015

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EXCELLENT article on the music of Mad Men.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/therecord/2015/04/07/398036767/a-nearly-comprehensive-guide-to-the-music-of-mad-men

April 11, 2015

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Independent- ‘Dangerous idiot’: Trump says ‘germ is so brilliant antibiotics can’t keep up with it’ in chaotic White House coronavirus meeting

These coronavirus campaign rallies... are they useful? Forget trusting him for a solution, has he proven that he understands the very basics of the problem? Is the rest of the world laughing at us as he desperately fears? No, way beyond that. They see a "dangerous idiot" in charge who continues to endanger the world economy, let alone countless lives. Read the article for some quotes from people simply dumbfounded at his shallow comprehension about a disease he's briefed on every day.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-antibiotics-coronavirus-white-house-briefing-brilliant-enemy-genius-idiot-a9460636.html

April 11, 2020

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The Conversation- Coronavirus: what philosopher Immanuel Kant can teach us about panic buying and isolation dodging

My guiding principal: ‘Live your life as though your every act were to become a universal law’.

Is there a better one?

https://theconversation.com/coronavirus-what-philosopher-immanuel-kant-can-teach-us-about-panic-buying-and-isolation-dodging-134491

April 11, 2020

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Good Old Charlie. They don't make them like him anymore. (Thank goodness.)

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Leslie Nielsen in Wrongfully Accused:

Ryan Harrison: Your dog sure has a surprised look on his face. 

Lauren: That's because you're looking at his butt. 

Ryan Harrison: Uh, then he's certainly not going to enjoy that treat I just fed to him.

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Mark Twain- "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure."

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Seneca- "No man was ever wise by chance."

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Jacob August Riis- "The more I live, the more I think that humor is the saving sense."

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Allen Ginsberg- "To gain your own voice, forget about having it heard. Become a saint of your own province and your own consciousness."

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Walt Whitman- "Every man's heart one day beats its final beat. His lungs breathe their final breath. And if what that man did in his life makes the blood pulse through the body of others and makes them believe deeper in something that's larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers -- by the loyalty, by the memory of those who honor him, and make the running the man did live forever."

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Albert Camus- "The evil that is in the world always comes of ignorance"

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Saul Bellow, Henderson the Rain King- "We are funny creatures. We don't see the stars as they are, so why do we love them? They are not small gold objects, but endless fire."

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Sam Harris- "Religious moderation is the product of secular knowledge and scriptural ignorance."

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Kinison- "I like my women like I like my coffee, ground up and in the freezer."

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Bertrand Russell, The Autobiography of Bertrand Russell- “Neither misery nor folly seems to me any part of the inevitable lot of man. And I am convinced that intelligence, patience, and eloquence can, sooner or later, lead the human race out of its self-imposed tortures provided it does not exterminate itself meanwhile. I may have thought the road to a world of free and happy human beings shorter than it is proving to be, but I was not wrong in thinking that such a world is possible, and that it is worth while to live with a view to bringing it nearer."

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Dumb Short Joke of the Day:

Did you hear about the guy who had his left side cut off? He's all right now.

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Another favorite quote, from clear-thinking Kurt Vonnegut:

“If you can't write clearly, you probably don't think nearly as well as you think you do.”