Beware the Daydreams of Children

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Happy April Fool's Day. (Be careful out there.)

https://youtu.be/1hYDYrdiYX8

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A film site announced today that Mickey Rourke, who played the young Charles Bukowski character in Barfly, was set to play the old Charles Bukowski character in a movie based on Hollywood, Bukowski's novel on the making of Barfly. 

So Mickey Rourke would be playing an old Bukowski opposite some young actor playing Mickey Rourke playing a young Bukowski. Wow!

I was thinking about it again tonight, what a great movie idea that was, and how strange it was because Hollywood movies are basically boring, formulaic garbage now, which happens the point of Bukowski's novel. 

And then hit me, they're not making that movie, I fell for an April Fool's joke!

April 1, 2025

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Gretel just had a big smile on her face as she was petting our cat Razzles. I asked her if she likes Razzles. Her answer was rather shocking. 

"Yes, she's not dead yet, but she's gonna die, and mommies and daddies die too. You and mommy and Zuzu and me are all gonna die." 

That is NOT what I thought she was thinking.

April 1, 2017

I got a kick out of an answer from an applicant today. She was asked what coworkers might say she needs to work on. She said she couldn't think of anything, and joked that maybe she needs to work on more self-reflection. 

April 1, 2023

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Bill Maher just said that he was talking to a well-respected African American celebrity at an Oscar party and he asked him what would have happened if Chris Rock hit Will Smith back. He didn't have to think for a second before replying, "He couldn't, he was carrying the whole race on his shoulders." 

Whoa. I had to pause the TV and think about that for a few minutes. This isn't some superficial Hollywood gossip story. There are depths to mine.

A poll the next day found that 56% of women felt that Will Smith was their idea of manliness. (I'm sure that's less now.) Look at Chris Rock's restraint and thoughtfulness and ask yourself who was the better person. Will Smith knows.

April 1, 2022

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Zuzu just asked me, "Would you rather eat a bucket of slugs, or..."

Me- "No."

Zuzu- "Kill Gretel and me."

Me- "Eat a bucket of slugs."

Tests like these are easy as hell. What kind of psychological disorder did Abraham have???

April 1, 2022

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Existential Comics:

There is no reason to fear death. It is life's brevity that makes it truly beautiful.

Haha April fools! Death is inconceivably horrifying.

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Toshiro Mifune would have been 100 years old today.

April 1, 2020

https://fb.watch/jDR6QBGfUG/?mibextid=irwG9G

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Daddy School tonight.

First class was foosball. Gretel got two points docked for gloating and three extra points for competitive spirit. Zuzu got an extra point for good sportsmanship and another for competitive spirit, so they tied 10-10 and each got a mint.

Next class was presidents. Zuzu knew Trump, Obama, Bush, Bush, Wilson and Jackson. Gretel knew those and eleven more.

Next was war, with cards... that's math class. Which number is higher? Gretel ended up with 10 cards at the end and I made her figure out how many cards Zuzu had without counting them.

Well that's about enough school for tonight. Let's get busy having fun.

April 1, 2020

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Happy April 2nd! (Haha, rubes.)

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A nice thing about being alive right now is that we can imagine very clearly whether we would have ran into the woods or drank the Kool-Aid if were at Jonestown.

April 1, 2017

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Some jerky elitist once said that weak minds talk about people, average minds talk about events, and great minds talk about ideas.

April 1, 2011

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More excited to see Emma than to see the Phils opening game. I'm off to DC to pick her up...

April 1, 2011

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Some historian's believe that Jesus Christ's Last Supper was held on April 1st, 33AD. Could this mean that all of Christianity is just an April Fool's joke?

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Harold Lloyd's Safety Last was released on this day in 1923. Still funny!

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A Confederacy of Dunces was released by Grove Press on this day in 1981. A bit of genius:

"Sure, go ahead, babe. Here. Have a nice jelly doughnut. I just bought them fresh this morning over by Magazine Street. Ignatius says to me this morning, 'Momma, I sure feel like a jelly doughnut.' You know? So I went over by the German and bought him two dozen. Look, they got a few left."

She offered the Patrolman Mancuso a torn and oily cake box that looked as if it had been subjected to unusual abuse during someone's attempt to take all of the doughnutes at once. At the bottom of the box Patrolman Mancuso found two withered pieces of doughnut out of which, judging by their moist edges, the jelly had been sucked. 

"Thank you anyway, Miss Reilly. I had me a big lunch."

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Milan Kundera was also born on this day in - 1929, still alive at 93. From The Unbearable Lightness of Being:

"Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves."

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Other notable birthdays- Sergei Rachmaninoff {1873), Debbie Reynolds (1932), Rachel Maddow (1973)

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Baseball player Rube Waddell died on this day in 1914 at the age of 37. He was a screwball. If a fire truck went by while he was pitching, he'd take off after it. People in the stands would distract him with shiny objects and puppies. Sometimes in the middle of a game he'd go fishing. In the offseason he would wrestle alligators. He was one of the best pitchers of his day, once winning the triple crown.

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Marvin Gaye was shot to death by his father on this day in 1984.

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Every once in a while I like to remind myself of this filthy George Carlin routine.

"Well, anyway, after a while I realized that I was needlessly restricting myself to seven words, and only to the ones that weren’t allowed on TV. I mean, there were a lot more to be looked at, and television isn’t the only place that objects to your language sometimes. There are lots of situations where you’re not supposed to say that. So I expanded the list by as many as I could, and I’d like to share some with you now. This list is a little longer than it was before. First we start with the ones we already know; shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, turd and twat. Crap, balls, prick, asshole, jackoff, jerkoff, scumbag, douche bag, hard-on, rod-on, boner, stiff, piss hard, blue balls, nookie, cooze, gash, slash, hole, slit, snatch, box, beaver, pussy, bearded clam, gism, cum, cream, juice, pecker, peckerhead, peckertracks, dick, dork, dong, doniker, wang, shlong, shwans, pork, crabs, ass, butt, heinie, tuckus, bum, buns, cheeks, screw, lay, diddle, plow, hump, bang, poke, batter, wham, knock up, bugger, ground, jugs, bazooms, knockers, knobs, lungs, balloons, dildo, joy stick, hair pie, muff, cornhole, rim job, blow job, sugar bowl pie, suck off, give head, sit on my face, butt fuck, finger fuck, clap, bleat, 69, 71 which is 69 with two fingers up your ass, daisy chain, circle jerk, cock teaser, wet dream, cunt struck, pussy whipped, short arm, tuna taco, group grope, milking the chicken, bulldagger, gangbang, ball breaker, ball buster, merkin, bananas and cream, up the old dirt road, around the world, beat your meat, whack off, flogging your dong, pounding your pud, beating the bishop, poontang, dingleberry, sit on it, fudge packer, milking the lizard, fart face, old fart, farting around, fart sniffer, ream, snake, raincoat, quickie, queer, queen, putz, put out, push, beef injection, dog style, pop your cookies, bust your nuts, one-eyed monster, knob, pocket pool, tail, piddle, paddle the pickle, one-man band, snapper, notch, garage, shaft, stick, piece of ass, goddammit, pimp, hooker, punk, faggot, dike, lezzie, box lunch, sea food, hand job, hammer, hatch, head job, hot nuts, hum job, prong, jelly roll, jerk the gherkin, lob, meat whistle, cheese, cat fan, middle leg, wanking, bootie, love muscle, snappin’ pussy, bitch, bastard, clam, bite the brown, going up mustard road, bone on, bush, button, cunt lapper, cherry, tool, dingus, quif, quim, get off, joint, peace, stem, root, crack, cootch, crud, eat me, fuck you, up your ass, get laid, fuck off, piss off, piss on you, stick it, stuff it, ram it, jam it, cram it, horny, peter, the one-eyed wonder worm, piece of ass, little brown eyeball, golden showers, pound cake, boy in the boat, brown eyes, brown nose, sloppy seconds, Mongolian cluster fuck, rod of love, copping a feel, copping a cherry, copping a joint, on the rag, flying the flag, riding the cotton pony, dipping your wick, going down on, dry hump, fist fuck, skin flute, french job, furburger, nuts, get your rocks off, get in, get it up, hung, ginch, gobble, diesel dock, rubber, shoot… diesel dike that was… syph, wad, cocksman, tit fuck, tongue, rough trade, trick, weenie and yodeling in the gully. Thank you and I’ll see you next time."

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Fran Lebowitz, with the best take on Will Smith and and Chris Rock:

“One thing that really angered me as a woman was when people said (Will Smith was) defending his wife. And I thought to myself, ‘Really?’ First of all, did Chris hit his wife? If Chris had hit his wife then he should’ve been arrested, but he didn’t hit his wife, he told a joke that was not funny. It was a bad joke. He told a bad joke about his wife, but that doesn’t mean you get to hit him. If she had gotten up and slapped him, it would’ve been outrageous, but a little less outrageous from the point of view of women. The wife can defend herself if she needs to be defended.”

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Voltaire- I always made one prayer to God, a very short one. Here it is: "O Lord, make our enemies quite ridiculous!" God granted it.

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If Emma and I ever see Jerry Seinfeld and he tells this joke while looking at me, I'm going to have her attack him.

“The technical term for a nose job is rhinoplasty. Rhino, okay? Do we really need to insult the person at this particular moment of their lives? They know they have a big nose, that's why they're coming in. Do they really need the abuse of being compared to a rhinoceros on top of everything else? When someone goes in for a hair transplant, they don't go, ‘We're going to perform a cue-ballectomy on you, Mr. Johnson. We're going to attempt to remove the skinheadia of your chrome-domus, which is the technical term.’”

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Here's Sam Harris destroying the notion that Christianity provides a basis for morality. I've watched this entire debate, and several debates with William Lane Craig. He's an excellent debater, and this one is one for all-time.

https://youtu.be/AcO4TnrskE0

April 1, 2017

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Life & Style- These Completely Made-Up Words From ‘The Simpsons’ Are Now in the Dictionary

Embiggen

Cromulent

Meh

Avoision

Jeebus

Craptacular

D'oh

http://www.lifeandstylemag.com/posts/simpsons-words-added-to-dictionary-155649

April 1, 2018

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CNN- Trump administration won’t reopen Obamacare enrollment for uninsured as coronavirus spreads

It's as if I can hear the discussion.

Trump- So it would help people by giving them another chance to buy coverage?

Official- Yes.

Trump- But it's called Obamacare?

Official- Yes.

Trump- Can I call it Trumpcare?

Official- Yeah, but some might see through it as a blatantly hollow self-serving scheme at a time when they are scared and just want some security.

Trump- You're right, better scrap the whole thing.

*Then 2 weeks later as things get worse, after a massive backlash, Trump actually does it, and calls it Trumpcare, and says he was never against it to begin with.

https://cnn.it/39EOgLn

April 1, 2020

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Walt Whitman- "Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you/ That you may be my poem/ I whisper with my lips close to your ear/ I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you."

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Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion- "To be fair, much of the Bible is not systematically evil but just plain weird, as you would expect of a chaotically cobbled-together anthology of disjointed documents, composed, revised, translated, distorted and 'improved' by hundreds of anonymous authors, editors and copyists, unknown to us and mostly unknown to each other, spanning nine centuries."

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John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces- "With the breakdown of the medieval system, the gods of chaos, lunacy, and bad taste gained ascendancy."

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Daniel C. Dennett, Freedom Evolves- "Every living thing is, from the cosmic perspective, incredibly lucky simply to be alive. Most, 90 percent and more, of all the organisms that have ever lived have died without viable offspring, but not a single one of your ancestors, going back to the dawn of life on Earth, suffered that normal misfortune. You spring from an unbroken line of winners going back millions of generations, and those winners were, in every generation, the luckiest of the lucky, one out of a thousand or even a million. So however unlucky you may be on some occasion today, your presence on the planet testifies to the role luck has played in your past."

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Brian Regan:

I love space stuff. I saw a scientist on TV say they know, if they build a space probe to explore distant galaxies and shoot it out, that a hundred years from now we’ll be able to build a better, faster space probe that will catch and pass that first one before it ever gets anywhere.

So the message is clear. Everything we do today… is a waste of time.

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Dumb Short Joke of the Day:

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.