The Evils of Actuarial Statistics, and a Museum Visit

This guy climbing a huge palm tree unaided makes my palms sweat.

https://fb.watch/jxqsEPBPiU/?mibextid=6aamW6

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The rotten thing about discovering that the average age of my recent male ancestors is only 61, is that it deprives me of a midlife crisis. I have to settle for a three quarter life crisis!

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Nick Thune says all of his rooms are set to room temperature, except the corners which are set to 90 degrees. He says that only 12% of his audience likes that joke, but he measures his jokes according to milk fat percentage, and 12% is astronomical. 

My type of humor.

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When someone says something you agree with, you can say, "You know what they say, opinions are like assholes and yours is the best."

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If some person thinks Will Smith was justified to violently attack Chris Rock because he was offended by something he said, and that person also thinks that they have the right to not be attacked if they say something that someone finds offensive... that person is the definition of a hypocrite. You either believe that people should be attacked over words, or you don't. Pick a side.

Janai Nelson of the NAACP wrote, “the way casual violence was normalized tonight by a collective national audience will have consequences that we can’t even fathom in the moment.”

Many seem eager to return to the Machiavellian nightmare of life being, "nasty, brutish and short." If this is he threshold of permissable violence, that's where we're heading.

The only person Will Smith should attack is himself, for laughing at the hack joke to begin with.

March 28, 2022

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Time for Daddy School!

March 28, 2020

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It's being reported that the Mueller Report is 300 pages long. After 2 years it seems like THAT might be what we waited for, not the Barr Leaflet. From what I hear, it's a complete and total exoneration of the president. Sounds like good reading for everyone!

March 28, 2019

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#IStandwithPP even though #IStandtoPP.

March 28, 2017

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Indiana Governor Pence wants to make gay people second class citizens, which makes him even better than first class citizen- he's a zero class citizen.

March 28, 2015

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Some homophobes believe that if you love God you should fear Him. So fear equals love? And they think we should take their advice? Sometimes those gay-loving God-o-phobes make no sense.

March 28, 2013

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Some religious fundamentalists want to deny the love between two homosexual people who want to be married, and preserve the hate between two heterosexual people who want divorced. God told me that.

March 28, 2013

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Our trip to the Philly Art Museum

I have a gripe about fine art, Dear Reader- it’s all sublime, as if that’s the only thing that matters. Look at one, sublime. Look at another, sublime. Look at another, the same. Go into the next room, every damn one- sublime, sublime, sublime. OK Cezanne, I get it. You too Matisse? Derivative. 

I’m telling you- there was not one single piece of art in the whole collection that made me laugh. Not even a chuckle. Forget sublimity, how about the full human experience? That’s what I’m looking for. That, by the way, is exactly why Kerouac would get his ass kicked by Henry Miller with his writing hand tied behind his back. Beatitude vs. beat-his-ass-itude. Naturally a druggie living with his mom trying to reconcile Catholicism and Buddhism is not going to make you laugh. He might capture everything else, but not that. 

Emma and I were there to see the Cezanne exhibit. I liked it, I really did, but you know what- it’s overwhelming, and Pat agreed. For those of you who don’t know Pat, he had a lot of paint on his pants in college. I was a calculator guy, and we had some doozies of disagreements. I’m going to go ahead and say it, we had some sublime arguments. We had such perfectly opposite ways of seeing the world. I’m tempted to say that I was always right and he was always wrong… but rather I was reasonable and he was unreasonable. Again, not right or wrong, just opposite. We both loved arguing too, even just for the argument’s sake. There were times we were both playing devil’s advocate arguing the other guy’s position- fun. 

He works at the Philly Art Museum and met me just as I was Cezanned out. I asked him what movies he’d seen recently… turns out he saw several early French New Wave films. What a great guy to have a conversation with! I happen to have some opinions on French New Wave films, Dear Reader. This was much better then our last movie talk at the museum. As I remember it, he argued that Star Wars isn’t better than any other movie because things happen in all movies- there are heroes and villains, there’s conflict and resolution. 

I hadn’t seen the guy in years and he showed up at kickball back around Christmas. I told him I was going to the museum soon and that I’d call him when I did. I didn’t, and he ran into me there. I wonder if that was the reason for the Star Wars argument. Must have been- not even he would believe that crap he was saying. This time I called him and what happened? We had a pleasant conversation about the French New Wave among other things... 

Other things such as how his knee is still destroyed three months since that kickball game. He asked me how I did it from week to week. I assured him that although I can always kick hard, I could never paint nearly as good as him. He could paint me kicking, and I could kick at him painting. That reminds me, a lot of our debates revolved around whether life reflected art or art reflected life. (Easy answer, in case you wondered- they reflect each other.) 

I told him that I was always overwhelmed at the museum and he agreed, he said he’s constantly surrounded by beautiful art that it makes no daily impression on him… it’s too much. Then once in awhile, POW, he sees something that is just so beautiful he can’t believe it. 

Exactly, that’s exactly what I love about movies. Last time I saw Pat, he ridiculed me for my somewhat infamous list of favorite movies. (Forget these top 5’s, my list is hundreds long.) I always have a hard-as-hell time explaining why I like movies so much since almost every one in the theater at any given time is unwatchable. The last time I ran into Pat I resolved to never again tell anybody else about my list. (Hello there.) Recently though I discovered exactly what it is that I like about them. I watch movies for the same reason people go to art museums- I’m looking for transcendence. You’ve seen Dead Poets Society- that’s what I’m talking about. An experience outside of daily experience, an emotion higher than other emotions… or simply the emotion of elevation, as Ebert likes to call it. I like to think that the Buddhists call it Nirvana. Catholics call it, it-happens-once-you’re-dead. 

Speaking of dead, on the way home Emma commented on how well everyone was dressed. I told her that Thoreau said something like “Beware of new ventures that require new clothes.” She said, “You have to quote some dead guy to make your point?” We both laughed. Now that’s a quote. A good trip to the art museum!

March 28, 2009

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On this day in 1979, I was 5 years old and 3 Mile Island had a partial meltdown like 30 miles away. We had to go inside and shut the doors for a little while.

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Kind-hearted Trump assured us on this day in 2019 that his administration will not cut funding from the Special Olympics. Reminds me of the knife attacker who stabs you, but then kindly removes the knife. 

Seriously though, what kind of a loser wants to cut $18 million from the Special Olympics? We can afford a nickel apiece!

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Futurist Ray Kurzweil believes that within 20 years there will be robots small enough to live inside our bodies and repair our cells, allowing us to theoretically live forever. 

David Shields writes of him, "He wants not so much to live as never to die. He seems to me the saddest person on the planet. I empathize with him completely." 

We often don't even realize that if we can last a few more decades, we might be able to last for a few more centuries.

"Futurist," huh? That sounds like a pretty good career path. Futurism, sign me up.

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Birthday of Daniel Dennett in 1942, I've always appreciated his rules for criticizing with kindness:

1. You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.”

2. You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).

3. You should mention anything you have learned from your target.

4. Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism.

The best of his clever arguments and comebacks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDHfp0YD3l0

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Other notable birthdays- Vince Vaughn (1970), Lady Gaga (1986)

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Virginia Woolf took her own life on this day in 1941.

"Behind the cotton wool is hidden a pattern… the whole world is a work of art… there is no Shakespeare… no Beethoven… no God; we are the words; we are the music; we are the thing itself."

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Dwight Eisenhower left us on this day in 1969. "Things have never been more like the way they are today in history."

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Another notable deathday- Jim Thorpe (1953)

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I'm listening through the baby monitor to Emma singing songs from the Wizard of Oz to Gretel. Somewhere Over the Rainbow was no surprise, and neither was We're Off to See the Wizard. But what I did NOT expect, Dear Reader, was a pitch perfect rendition of the Lollipop Guild song!

https://youtu.be/QhjRUKCKIG4

March 28, 2015

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https://to.pbs.org/2UnjAJP

If we knew nothing about Trump other than the fact that during the worst national emergency of our lifetimes, he favored helping governors that were more appreciative of him (vs simply helping the people suffering in their state), it would tell his whole story.

Would there be a greater scandal in US history? And he just flat out said he does it. People keep saying to keep politics out of this, but this guy's degenerate personality is actually killing people. How else could it be interpreted?

Again, to paraphrase Trump, to governors- "I'll help your people if you be quiet about deficiencies in my response and just show appreciation toward me."

March 28, 2020

Postscript- I became pretty accustomed to him trying to shock us, but I have to admit that this is one of five or so jaw droppers.

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Yoda- "Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

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Timothy Snyder- “Without truth, we don’t have trust. Without trust, we don’t have the rule of law. Without the rule of law, we don’t have democracy.” 

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Garry Winogrand

   

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Joan Didion, The White Album- "I'm not telling you to make the world better, because I don't think that progress is necessarily part of the package. I'm just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment. And if you ask me why you should bother to do that, I could tell you that the grave's a fine and private place, but none I think do there embrace. Nor do they sing there, or write, or argue, or see the tidal bore on the Amazon, or touch their children. And that's what there is to do and get it while you can and good luck at it."

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Cato the Elder- "Those who are serious in ridiculous matters will be ridiculous and serious matters."

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Sopranos 

Christopher- "Fear knocks at the door, faith answers. There's no one there."

Wait, what???

(The best quotes come from Matthew Weiner episodes.)

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Bobby Heenan- “The two things that scare me most about wrestling fans is that they're allowed to vote and allowed to reproduce.”

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Will Durant, The Story of Philosophy- "Nothing is so dull as logic, and nothing is so important."

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Doug Stanhope- "Jesus died for your sins. I don't even understand the connection. 'Died for your sins.' What is... how... 'He died for your sins.' Well how does one affect the other? I fucking hit myself in the foot with a shovel for your mortgage. I don’t get it."

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Errol Morris:

You have had some trouble figuring out why people are acting in a confusing or contradictory fashion. You can't provide a plausible explanation of their behavior. Just imagine that they are gorillas. Or, if you prefer, some other kind of monkey. I find this very helpful. Once we have dispossessed ourselves of the notion that we are rational, consistent or even make sense, then we are in a much better position to analyze our own behavior and the behavior of others.

Big monkeys. That's what we are. And by that I mean no disrespect to monkeys.

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Tennessee Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire- "Don't you just love those long rainy afternoons in New Orleans when an hour isn't just an hour - but a little piece of eternity dropped into your hands - and who knows what to do with it?"

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Robert Frost- "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself."

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John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces- "Apparently I lack some particular perversion which today's employer is seeking."

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Whitman- "I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world."

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Todd Anderson- "yawp"

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Richard Dawkins- "I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."

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Diogenes- "In a rich man’s house, there is no place to spit but his face.”

Context:

Galen, Exhortation to Study the Arts, Coxe (1846), p. 479; cf. Diogenes Laërtius, vi. 32

"Diogenes received an invitation to dine with one whose house was splendidly furnished, in the highest order and taste, and nothing therein wanting. Diogenes, hawking, and as if about to spit, looked in all directions, and finding nothing adapted thereto, spat right in the face of the master. He, indignant, asked why he did so? "Because," Diogenes, "I saw nothing so dirty and filthy in all your house. For the walls were covered with pictures, the floors of the most precious tessellated character — and ranged with the various images of gods, and other ornamental figures.""

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3 Dumb Short Jokes of the Day:

What do you call a frenchman wearing sandals?Phillipe Phillope.

How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

Addendum

1.

Myspace Blog

March 28, 2008

I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

A lot of people have asked me what it’s like having Sloth as a boss. This is what it’s like:

An Amish kid, John, walked into the office to ask him a question and they started talking. This led to that and they switched hats- Sloth wearing an Amish hat, John with a backwards baseball hat. He sat at Sloth’s desk and told him from across the room,

John- Your chair is really warm.

Sloth- That’s from all of the farts.

At that point we realized that a minute earlier someone had called for Amy and the phone was waiting for her at her desk, right in the middle of that conversation. Imagine calling a business and hearing that! We couldn’t stop laughing.

2.

Some of the best writing!

Tormund: You're the one they call the dog.

Hound: F**k off.

Tormund: They told me you were mean. Born mean or you just hate wildlings?

Hound: I don't give two shits about wildlings. It's gingers I hate.

Tormund: Gingers are beautiful. We are kissed by fire. Just like you..(points at the large face burn)

Hound: Don't point your f***ing finger at me.

Tormund: Did you trip into the fire when you were a baby?

Hound: I didn't trip I was pushed.

Tormund: Ever since you've been mean.

Hound: Will you fuck off?

Tormund: I don't think you're truly mean. You have sad eyes.

Hound: You want to suck my d**k, is that it?

Tormund: D**k?

Hound: C**k.

Tormund: Ahh, d**k. I like it.

Hound: Bet you do.

Tormund: Nope. It's p***y for me. I have beauty waiting for me back at Winterfell. If I ever get back there. Yellow hair, blue eyes, tallest women you've ever seen, almost as tall as you.

Hound: Brienne of Tarth.

Tormund: You know her?

Hound: You're with Brienne of f****g Tarth.

Tormund: Well, not with her yet, but I see the way she looks at me.

Hound: How does she look at you? Like she wants to carve you up and eat your liver?

Tormund: You do know her.

Hound: We've met.

Tormund: I want to make babies with her. Think of 'em, great, big monsters. They'll conquer the world!

Hound: How did a mad f***er like you live this long?

Tormund: I'm good at killing people.

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